Gentlemen's Couture, Is chivalry dead?

I've been a helpless romantic, majority of my life. Do I blame Disney? Hell yeah, as a kid I'd always imagined myself running into my "Prince Charming" one day you know, experiencing a whole new world, with some Aladdin doppelgänger or something. Cringe? Yeah, well I have to live with myself. But as time would have it, I grew up. And the reality of love and Life settled in, really hard too. I was introduced to the modern man, and no they don't talk like Romeo by the way.

The men in these Fairy tales were the prime of men, they were what gentlemen looked like or were supposed to look like. They spoke to the women they pursued with a grace only imaginable, it was almost as if they were born to solely protect and guard the women they fancied with their last breath. And yes of course I prayed for this myself, what's a young seven-year-old girl with a wild chimera to do or pray for after binge-watching Disney's classics for hours upon hours? The answer? grow up, that's what she ought to do, she ought to grow up. And she did.

Who is a Gentleman?

“Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage." —Theodore Roosevelt.

The word gentleman has quite a number of definitions, a selected few are — A man with good manners, A man who combines gentle birth or rank with chivalrous qualities, A man that is polite, educated, and can be trusted. Let's get into a tiny section of the history of the Gentleman.

In the middle ages, the word "gentleman" was used to describe a man that came from a good and wealthy family, and when the social distinction was between the nobiles ( the tenants in chivalry, whether earls, barons, knights, esquires, or freemen) and the ignobiles (serfs, citizens, and burgesses) the word gentleman was equivalent to the nobiles. By the 16th and 17th centuries, it was somewhat redefined to those that could afford to, as William Harrison put it, "live without manual labour". Then fast forward to the 1900's the definition was redefined by its use as a synonym to —men. It was used to distinguish males from females at public places or occasions. Acceptance by society as a gentleman still required an income derived from sources other than manual labour. I'm figuring the definition then eventually with time got watered down to what we know the gentleman to be now. So I listed down a few characteristics of the ideal gentleman:

1. A Gentleman has High Standards — A gentleman sets high standards and expects the same from others. Placing high standards for oneself makes success inevitable. So gentlemen tend to always get the very best out of everything that they put their effort in, be it value, quality, or functionality.

2. A Gentleman is Well Dressed — Don't even get me started (insert "SMH" emoji). I've always been under the impression a gentleman knows the value that proper self-presentation carries. Dressing well isn’t a matter of money for a gentleman, but rather of careful curation of clothing and accessories based on his means, the occasion, and his tastes. His dress demonstrates that he recognizes the power of clothes the impression they make, and the role they play in society. Clothes are used to convey a gentleman’s respect for his host, his office, or for the host of an event, but not to shock, evoke jealousy, or show off. Dressing well is a point of pride for a gentleman because it demonstrates his personality and taste.

3. A Gentleman is Well Mannered — I think there is no exception, a manner less man is everything but a gentleman, no room for compromise whatsoever. He is polite, he is kind, he says please and thank you. Shows an untainted form of etiquette everywhere he goes and in every situation he finds himself.

4. A Gentleman is Informed and Interesting — Forgive me if I come out as condescending or just plain arrogant, but I've had my fair and I repeat, my fair share of utterly useless conversations with men that try too hard to present themselves as knowledgeable and well informed on various topics, while the evidence that they are not, oozes out from their very words, and honestly it's embarrassing. A Gentleman takes the time to genuinely learn and build on what he already knows, is interested in, and needs to know. This helps him carry out very decent conversations on several subjects, subjects of value too. (My opinion, Men you don't have to know everything, and you sure don't have to act like you do. That kind of honesty is very attractive. But at the same time don't know nothing lol)

5. A Gentleman is Respectful — Respectful to everyone, a gentleman shows respect to everyone. The way that they talk to people, young and old. They put others before themselves, they understand that everyone is made equal, and those less fortunate are still deserving of all the courtesy, patience, and grace as those that are more fortunate.

6. A Gentleman's Actions match his words — Plain and simple, a gentleman lives by what he preaches. He makes promises he intends to keep.

7. A Gentleman is Imperfect — A gentleman is not perfect, and he knows this. And the acceptance of this keeps him rising back up whenever he falls short. A gentleman puts all this into account and uses it to influence his approach towards life. And this is one of the very vital aspects of who a gentleman is. That he is far from perfect.

What is Chivalry?

"To risk life to save a smile on a face of a woman or a child Is the secret of chivalry." — Dejan Stojanovic.

Chivalry as we know it now is an act of courtesy, especially that of a man towards a woman. I always defined it as the way one showed respect. His politeness and his willingness to showcase his good manners. The mere act of him going out of his way to open a lady's door, or just hold it open, to pull out her seat, and even to lend her his jacket when she's chilly.

If we want to dive into a little history we uncover that Chivalry was a term associated with the nobles of the middle ages. Nobles or Nobility was the highest social class in pre-modern societies. In the feudal system (in Europe and elsewhere), the nobility were mostly those who got land from the monarch and had to provide services to him, mainly military service. Men of this class were called noblemen.

Very long story cut short, when the term chivalry was used it was used in conjunction with noblemen. In short, it was a system of values (like honour and loyalty) that Knights in the middle ages were supposed to follow. And this code of conduct distinguished the noble from the social inferiors. Well of course over time the term has changed seeing as the old medieval reason for defining chivalry is long gone. The question now is, did it all successfully die out completely, and by completely I mean, did the washed down and more evolved (at least compared to the middle ages) version of the term die too?

Why should men be Chivalrous?

Before we answer the question, is chivalry dead, should men strive to be Chivalrous at all? It is the modern age after all, what's the need?

Well, here is my answer. Yes of course. Chivalry places a higher standard and a more significant value on a man. In my opinion, It takes nothing away from a man, If anything I think it gives more. I think it is a man's way of showcasing his natural masculine traits, traits such as protection, provision, leadership, strength, and respect. This is not to undermine a woman's strength or to say a woman can not protect herself or even provide for herself, of course, she can, its equivalent to the feminine urge to nurture, it's a trait women naturally carry. If a woman chooses to cook, clean after, and take care of a man, it says nothing about his ability to do it himself. It's just her way of naturally flourishing in her feminine and if he chooses to walk on the outside of the sidewalk, hold her hand when crossing the road, take off his hat when he greets her, pay for her bill, make sure she gets home safely, offer her his coat or even assists her with hers, it's his way of flourishing in his masculine. And there is nothing inherently wrong with that.

Chivalry and the Bible.

Chivalry was associated with the medieval Christian institution of knighthood; knights' and gentlemen's behaviours were governed by chivalrous social codes. It brings me a lot of comfort to know that the concept of chivalry originated from a Christian point of view, even if it was a tainted view for the most part. Here is what I learned about Chivalry in Christianity. (Research was done from gotquestions.org, visit the link for more.)

Ephesians 5:21 tells the church to “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” So, biblical chivalry starts with a humble spirit and a willingness to put the needs of others before one’s own needs (Romans 12:3; Philippians 2:3). And, while God created men and women equal in value, spirit, and intelligence, He also placed within the male heart a desire to guard and protect the women in his care. God created men and women differently in function and perspective so that we would complement, not compete with one another. Part of a man’s innate bent toward protecting and valuing the beauty of a woman is reflected through chivalrous acts. By deferring to the women in his company—holding doors, helping with coats, rising when she enters—a man is fulfilling that God-instilled part of him that needs to honour female beauty.

First Peter 3:7 alludes to the innate difference between men and woman, instructing husbands to treat their wives with consideration as a “weaker vessel” and a joint-heir to the things of Christ. We might say that husbands are to practice chivalry toward their wives. The term weaker vessel does not mean “inferior person,” as Peter immediately follows the term with the concept of spiritual equality. In this instance, “weaker” is better understood as “delicate without being frail,” much as an antique, a highly valued Chinese vase is delicate but not frail. When changing the oil in a car, you would not use such a vase to catch the used oil because the vase is of high quality. You might pour the used motor oil into an old tin can, which is stronger but not of high quality.

True biblical chivalry builds upon the concept found in 1 Peter 3:7 and expresses itself in several ways by showing honour and deference to women. Chivalry is a way of demonstrating respect for God’s design, not the character of the woman in question. Indeed, many women do not conduct themselves in ways that invite chivalry, but that does not completely rule out the need for men to be chivalrous. God’s instruction to women is that they strive for a “gentle and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4). A woman who conducts herself with such kindness and class finds that men often respond to her with acts of chivalry.

So is it dead?

No, it's not dead. At least not entirely, not yet. Chivalry has changed its form over time, but when it has, it's changed to fit the generation's stance about society. And unfortunately, we exist in a generation that has with it a lot of ideologies, ideologies that many times contradict the concept of chivalry. Like with feminism, the belief that acts of chivalry are more so powerplays by men and are used to belittle and strip away the ability of females to do and become on their own, is threatening to the entire notion. How unfortunate that chivalry can often be mistaken for misogyny. Plus the rise of gender transitions and assignments has made it a lot more complicated. The modern-day controversy on gender roles has disrupted the course of chivalry as well, making the number of people that can, of free will, continue to participate in the code of conduct, reduce by the day.

Chivalry is beautiful and can be rare these days, which reminds me of a similar incident at a shopping mall a few weeks past. My roommate and I were leaving the mall, she was in front of me and a random man in front of her. He pushed open the large glass door to leave, and my roommate in an attempt to follow suit reached for the door but was met with a very unlikely happening. I was distracted at the time so I didn't catch wind of what exactly happened but when I heard my roommate utter out a series of continuous "thank yous" I was intrigued. She then turned to me and said in disbelief, "Natasha, that man actually held the door open for me!", and I honestly couldn't believe it myself. We literally walked to our lift home only reminiscing over the rare occurrence. So yes, it's that rare, people don't often do that anymore, and frankly, it's very sad.

Words from the Author.

I haven't run into many men that possess the qualities of a chivalrous gent, but I've run into enough to know that not all hope is lost. I also believe that acts of chivalry should be given just as much as they are received, and even though this entire piece of writing puts an emphasis on men being the ones to present such conduct, I believe in this day and age, women too can show a sense of chivalry as well. We too can exhibit loyalty, respect, and courtesy. We can all be the Nobles and Dames of the middle age in the contemporary age. Don't argue, It's biblical.

So let's not lose hope, Chivalry and Gentlemanship are alive in those that still consider it of value to not only themselves but to others as well.

"I heard that chivalry was dead, but I think it's just got a bad flue." — Meg Ryan.

Verse of the week.

Philippians 2:3 (ESV): Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

Have an Amazing week chivalrous Ladies and Gentlemen. Blessings.