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Hey Esse Family, for today's blog post I am coming to you with something that's very personal to me, not only because I've gone through such a phase and very intensively thought over it for a couple of years, but also because I am a certified Love junkie, you could ask anyone they'll vouch for me lol. So anyway, I love to take time out to learn a lot about everything related to relationships and love for myself. And today I'm sharing what I've come to learn up until now. I'll start by saying I'm writing this for people searching for serious and meaningful romantic relationships, not just a fun time or something to entertain, excite and make you feel valid, because I've also learned that there are people that just want relationships for validation and that quite frankly is not healthy, but also another blog post altogether. This is for that man, woman, girl, or boy that's been contemplating the decision to get into something serious with someone or just be open to the idea. You may have gotten out of something and are trying to give it another go. You may have never been in any relationship or anything real at least, or you could have also been away from the love and commitment scene for a while, and are trying to hop back in. I'm here to give you a few things to think about before you go on ahead. So firstly, How Are You? I bet you are "doing okay", or you're "just great" or you're plainly "fine", but when I ask "how are you", I'm not trying to know how life's been for you, though I do hope it's been good. I'm however trying to know how you, as an individual, are. Are you okay, at least enough for what a relationship requires, more so a romantic relationship? Have you taken some time to carry out intensive introspection, very often it doesn't even have to be intense because it's stuff that's right at the surface, and we need not look any deeper. What's your mental, emotional, physical, and or spiritual state? Look, this isn't to say being in a bad or just not-so-good place mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually destroys all hopes for a real relationship. It just means you have a lot more to consider, for your sake and the sake of the other person. Coming to admission reduces how hard going forward with any relationship would be for both of you. Having a hard time with any of this happens to the majority of us, and it doesn't just become better overnight, it can take a while to overcome. But when you know you have something that needs attention and help, and you come to an acceptance of it, how you go about the attempt to start or continue dating is completely dependent on the situation's complexity and your overall outlook and approach toward it. Let me simplify this and get more practical. If you are dealing with, trust, abandonment, rejection, depression, illness, faithlessness, or any other issues, you should first start by accepting it exists, this makes it easier to deal with either on your own or with a partner. Like I said, dealing with these things doesn't mean you aren't able to be in a relationship, it just means you have to consider what carrying these burdens and trying to fix them means for you, your partner, and more especially the relationship as a whole. If you are going to be in a relationship, and you aren't okay, you and your partner will have to be fully aware of this, you will have to tell them you are struggling with ____ because this keeps transparency and accountability present and functioning, which is very important. You might be asking, "why does it have to be this intense? It's not that deep.", well it doesn't, if, you are willing to get better enough and deal with your issues before you commit to someone. But if you aren't, which is true for many of us. Ignoring this can cause a lot of harm, relationships aren't like mere partnerships or transactions of fuzzy warm feelings, there is a lot of "because you... I...", which means, however, "you are", has repercussions for a functioning relationship, your state has a positive or negative effect on the whole thing, and for those not-so-rosy days, when your illness, sadness, anxiety, anger, or depression kicks in, both of you have to have acknowledged that you're struggling with something, this makes room for aid, and not ridicule or conflict. It's not fair for a party in a relationship to have to constantly deal with issues they aren't aware of in the first place, only because you chose not to share it. If you aren't willing to share these issues in a relationship and make these things known, it's better for you to not get into one at all, at least only until you are quote on quote 'healed'. Again, it's not fair to keep away from your partner the things you struggle with because that puts a lot of strain on both your and your partner's capability to contribute to the relationship. I hope that made sense. P.S - No this is not a first date topic, give it a while, they might not be the one lol. Please don't tell someone's daughter or son you are suffering from depression on your first date. Get a little warmed up to each other first, lol you could scare them away. Secondly, Why Are You? As I said, if you're looking for anything but a "serious relationship blog post" this is not the one for you. But if you're looking for something substantial, you're at the right place. So before you do participate next cuffing season, take some time to think about it, a serious relationship should be one with the ultimate goal of marriage and a lifetime spent together. Many people know this and claim to want it when the truth is, all they want from the relationship, is the status "taken", or the sweet messages and gestures that are often associated with being in a relationship, you know, the "good mornings/nights", the "I love yous", the "I miss yous", the hugs, the hand holding and all that good stuff, forgetting every hard thing that comes along with the easy things, we'll talk about those later in this post. But many times it's not even to get some sort of delight or excitement from the relationships, sometimes all we are looking for is: An escape- A way to run away from the issues we don't want to fix or fear facing. Validation- Being liked enough to be called someone's partner makes us feel accepted or affirmed or approved. Completion- A way to somehow be whole (which is not even possible). Relevance- Being wanted may mean you're doing something right. Inclusion- we want to be part of the love or "couple's reel" trends, the engagements, and the celebrations. Almost like being amongst it all makes us part of something bigger than ourselves. Some of these things are true and to a certain degree, necessary, being in a relationship could make you "feel" valid, or relevant, it could lessen the burden of worrying about some tough things you've had to deal with on your own, and it does include you into a certain group of people, but these aren't the sole purposes of a relationship, they don't even sum up the entire concept well. Having these as the sole reasons for your involvement with people is dangerous to you, your partner, and the entire relationship. So stop yourself in your tracks, take a seat and think first "do I want to be in a relationship for healthy and right reasons?" And if you do, then you're good to go. Before I get misquoted, I say they are necessary because facts are, you want to feel valuable, relevant, as well as valid to the relationship, the complete opposite of that is alarming. And yes, getting into a relationship should play a major role in making your problems lighter because you're not to deal with them alone anymore, but viewing these things as independent reasons to get into a relationship will be detrimental. Thirdly, Who Are You? I think this has been my biggest reason for not getting into relationships quickly, I can have the tendency to abandon or quench my individuality to serve relationships. And I've seen it happen over time, people changing who they are to meet the needs and/or standards of a potential mate. And people use the excuse, "compromise", for the reason they change. But I think if you're going to say "it's compromise", then you're in actual sense contradicting yourself. I believe compromise in relationships exists for the sole purpose of highlighting raw individuality that's accepted and known but occasionally set aside for personality accommodation and love's sake. So no, the point to compromise is not to take away your love for music, sport, or travel because your partner doesn't fancy the lot, its to more often go out of your way, or make room to accustom your partner's individuality as well, not leave the entire path behind. Before you go and date somebody, make sure you're rooted in your identity and you're perfectly fine and accepting of everything that makes you who you are. The "you make me a better person" bit of relationships applies only to the character and not the personality. Don't go changing the very essence of who you are for the sake of a relationship, a couple of years down the line you'll realize that it wasn't worth it and you'll have to start finding yourself again, there's already so much self-discovery you're going to have to keep experiencing in your life even as you navigate your relationship, and that only happens naturally and healthily when you're well aware and assenting of who you currently are, so you don't want to ruin that. For that person that's not so sure of who they are yet because there are many of us that just aren't sure of exactly who we are, start discovering that and don't let relationships hinder that process. If you are going to get into a relationship and still pursue self-understanding or self-discovery/development, be sure not to sabotage that process by trying to be what your partner would prefer you to be. If you're well aware of who you are and are at no risk of losing yourself to a relationship, you're in the right direction. And last but not least, Are You? Ready To Trust- Are you ready to trust the person, even with the risk of them one day proving to not have been worthy of it, or even though your past experiences make it hard for you to do so? If you're going to put effort into anything in a relationship, it's going to be into trust. If you're going to be with someone but keep an eye open or one foot out the door, you're better off without them really. That's too much for anyone. You might find it hard to trust, but you will have to actively try. Ready To sacrifice- Let me tell you this, you're going to have to give up and go out of your way a lot of times. And you're going to have to get used to making room for what your partner wants too. Are you sure you're ready to make actual sacrifices? Ready To Give- Are you ready to continuously pour from your cup into another's? Are you willing to give your time, attention, and affection to the relationship? Ready To Share- You will have to share your heart, mind, your interests, and your world with this person. By heart I mean the things you treasure, by mind I mean the way you think, your ideas, and your dreams, by world I mean the way you view life, are you ready to eventually open that much of yourself to the relationship? Ready To Talk- Communicate, and do it well. Are you ready to say what's bothering you, air your views and opinions, and say what you appreciate and what you don't? Ready To Listen- Are you ready to be an active listener, an active listener isn't just someone that can hear and comprehend what's being spoken, but someone that can also accommodate it. Will you be able to treat what you hear as though it was coming from your mouth? Ready to keep Choosing them- Love is a Choice and one you're going to have to keep making every day, you might not feel the butterflies in your stomach or get goosebumps as often, but are you ready to keep choosing to love them in spite of how you feel that day, week, month, year or season? Ready To Forgive- I don't mean take back a cheater or an abuser (female or male). I mean are you ready to continuously show grace when you get offended or hurt? Your partner is the person you will be around the most, which increases the chance of offense, misunderstanding, and mistakes. You can't walk out of relationships after any minor inconvenience, you'd be leaving hundreds of them. Remember you're human too and when you slip up, you'll need that grace too. Ready To Learn- I'm of the belief, many of the things mentioned prior to this point are things you'll probably have to learn and get a hang of with time. Learning how to accommodate another person and everything they come with as well as learning how to let them accommodate you and everything you come with, is something you're going to have to be ready to do. Constantly accepting that you don't know everything there is to know about relationships, more especially your own, is important because no one ever really does. It's an ongoing process, that will require you to admit when you're wrong and don't know what you thought you knew. Just be ready for the lessons that relationships teach you because the honest truth is some of those lessons are very hard. So, Are You Really Ready For A Relationship? If you aren't that's okay, you will. If you are, kudos to you. Let me add though, that being ready for a relationship or the dating scene, doesn't disqualify the chances of heartbreak from disappointment or unexpected occurrences. Life, my friend, is very sneaky, and even if it doesn't have the happy ending you imagined it to, it's probably just not yet here. I hope something in here helped, If it sounds super complex and involving, it's only because relationships, real ones at best, are not walks in the park. It can take a lot of external and internal effort to make them as easy as we picture and would love them to be. But if you ask me though, I really hope you're ready or you get ready soon. I want you to experience a steady and healthy love life (not forgetting one with God at the center), I'm rooting for you. Always!

“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” - Romans 12-12 Prayer, consistent prayer. I've personally had quite the struggle with prayer myself and staying in consistent communication with God. So writing this makes it easier to not only help my readers but also to help myself. I'll start by saying if you ever feel like you're the only one that struggles with consistency in prayer you aren't, but if you already know that there are many of us then you are part of the few that are trying to change that. I've done everything I've either thought to be important or vital in aiding my prayer life and many of the ways I went about it weren't all the way effective because It's either there was something I was doing that I shouldn't have been or something I wasn't doing but should have. WAYS TO PRAY CONSISTENTLY. So without taking too much time, let's get right into some of the ways to pray consistently. 1. DEDICATE TIME TO PRAYER. In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch. - Psalms 5:3 Source: https://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/When-To-Pray To be able to pray often and stay consistent it will do you a lot of good to put some time out from your day to pray. Taking some time out in the morning before you start your day or in the evening before you bring your day to an end would make for a perfect way to stay consistent, with morning prayer being my most preferable time of the day to do so, more because chances of concentration are much higher. Make it a devotional or a meditation session, you could encompass the word of God as well as worship music, for the same. Find a private place to do this and because it can feel difficult in the beginning, try as hard as you can to do it every day until it becomes a habit and you'll be praying more often than you usually do. 2. USE EVERYDAY MOMENTS OF GRATITUDE. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.- 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Life can have it's tough moments but there's always a time and moment to be grateful for. Those small and big things in or about our lives that bring us joy, peace, fulfilment, contentment, assurance, and more. Using those times to speak to God and express your gratitude will help you with nurturing a more consistent prayer life. The truth is there's always something to be grateful for, so being able to acknowledge those very things and then give thanks to God for them regularly will increase the time you spend in communion with him. Prayer is communication with the father, simply uttering how grateful you are every single time you have something to be thankful for, which to be honest is literally every time, will definitely insure more time spent speaking to God which is ultimately prayer. It doesn't have to be a designated time and a specific place to say an entire prayer for gratitude, this is something you can say where ever you are. It doesn't have to be something you say out loud for people to hear, you could say it in your heart or just whisper a simple "Thank you, Lord". The point is to keep the general idea of being in genuine and constant communication with God a continuous thing and how that very act makes it easier for you to adopt the urge to pray more. 3. READ THE BIBLE. For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.- Hebrews 4:12 Consistency in prayer is almost impossible without actively listening to and reading the word of God. From the word, we learn how, when, why, and where to pray. Constantly being exposed to the word of God will also build in you the longing to pray, and speak to God. The Bible is filled with so many instances of people constantly speaking with or hearing from God, being subjected to the frequency of communication with the Father that's found in the word will have the same effect on you. I tend to notice that when you spend time hearing from God through his word you find it easier to spend more time speaking back to him. The word is actively changing the minds and hearts of man. 4. PRAY WITH OTHERS. That is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine.-Romans 1:12 I've learned that having someone to pray with makes it easier to be more consistent with your prayer life. Being around people that share your faith and beliefs, and having continuous fellowship with them will give you a way to always be in the headspace of prayer. You are more likely to adopt certain behaviors and traits from the people you are around the most, the same goes for when you so when you are around people with whom you can read the bible and pray all the time, you begin to cultivate the culture of prayer. And it surely does become easier. Having either a person or group of people that are after the same spiritual goals as you, people whom you can pray for, with, and receive prayer from, will help keep your prayer life consistent. 5. SUBJECT YOURSELF TO THE THINGS OF GOD MORE. They serve a copy and shadow of the heavenly things. For when Moses was about to erect the tent, he was instructed by God, saying, “See that you make everything according to the pattern that was shown you on the mountain.”-Hebrews 8:5 Here's the truth, there will always be the worldly side and the Godly side, and to be able to have not only the capacity to pray more often but the longing as well, there's more connecting to God and his ways that we will need to do. Listen to more sermons, Christian music, podcasts, and shows, get the audio Bible, and meditate with it. Trying to be able to have constant communication with the father and actually wanting to have it will not come easy if we are pursuing everything that opposes the very nature of God and prayer. I hate to sound very churchy and all but there really is no other way of putting it. What you constantly feed your soul, it will crave more of. 6. ASK FOR GOD TO HELP. One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples.”- Luke 11:1. The disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray when they longed to know how, and he taught did. I believe that asking God to help or teach you how to pray and pray more is the best way to have a consistent prayer life. And that's one of the beauties of prayer, that we can come before the father and ask for help where we need it and he is sure to offer it to us.

WHAT ARE CLASS AND ELEGANCE? The argument is, Class and Elegance are synonyms of each other, versus, they are two completely different aspects altogether. The latter is defined— as the quality of being graceful and stylish in appearance or manner, and the former—as impressive stylishness in appearance or behavior. I also see a very close relationship between the two and if they are different from each other, they are just substitutes for each other. Class and Elegance have attached to them behavioral and visible characteristics. Seeing as we are in the Fashion segment of this blog for this post, we are focusing on the visible aspect of class and elegance, you could call it "Your everyday guide to looking classy and elegant." or "How to give a classy and elegant appearance to your wardrobe" and this doesn't have to be over the top. I share with you very simple ways to add a pinch of class to your regular looks with simple additions and substitutions. 3 FALSE TRUTHS ABOUT CLASS AND ELEGANCE. There are a few negative or infamous beliefs about exhibiting class and elegance with your outfits that people think to be true when in actual sense they are everything but that. Beliefs such as: Classy Outfits are expensive - No, to pull off an outfit that's classy or elegant you do not have to break your bank account trying to purchase very expensive clothing and accessories, very affordable clothes can work just fine in helping you achieve class and elegance. Classy and Elegant outfits are boring - On the contrary, they are very tasteful and add a high value and standard to your overall appearance. Classy and elegant attire is specifically meant for special occasions - That's the falsest of the three truths, hence the title of this blog post, and as we go through this blog post debunking this very false belief, you will see that it is very possible to add a pinch of class to your regular outfits. 6 WAYS TO LOOK CLASSY AND ELEGANT EVERY DAY. 1. WEAR CLOTHES THAT FIT YOU. THE RIGHT SIZE—As simple as this sounds many people are in the habit of wearing clothes that either run a little too big or small on them. Aside from streetwear which comprises many oversized pieces (which by the way are still tailored to fit), wearing clothing that runs a few sizes-small will not flatter you in any genre of fashion let alone regarding class and elegance, the same goes for clothing that runs a few sizes big. THE RIGHT BODY TYPE—Focus more on buying and wearing clothing that complements your body type. Pieces of clothing that are meant for people with an hourglass body type will not flatter a person with, let's say an inverted triangle or oval body shape. And I know we love to follow the trends but we don't all look like IG models and purchasing clothes that are tailor-made to fit that specific body type will not do any good for you and will class and elegance to your style. Go for clothing that is well suited to your body type. 2. WEAR CLASSIC COLOURS, PATTERNS, AND TEXTURES. NEUTRALS— Greys, blacks, whites, and nudes, these colors will always serve as the perfect foundation for many outfits. They tend to go perfectly well with many other colors but remember not all. SOLIDS— Solid colors will make it easier for you to cook up classy outfits, the right shades put together many times create outfits that compliment you very well, reds, pinks, and oranges for people that love to stand out in color will most often go well together. Blues, greens, and yellows are other examples of colors that look well together if properly executed. Blacks, whites, and Greys serve as a really good base or foundation for many if not all outfits especially bright colored pieces. PATTERNS—Patterns like white and black stripes, houndstooth, plaid, animal print, and florals can very well aid a classy and stylish outfit. These will take a lot more effort to pull off a classy style because of how loud a considerable amount of them can be, but there still is a guarantee that they can be made to serve you and give you a classy and elegant feel. TEXTURES— Silk, linen, and satin, right off the bat are some of the most classic pieces of fabric to grace the fashion world, a few pieces of clothing in satin or silk will definitely amp your elegance and classy wardrobe. Genuine or faux leather gives a very rich and classy look to your outfits as well. Other textures like corduroy, cotton, and wool are pretty good picks too. 3. MIX AND MATCH CAUTIOUSLY. So, at this point, you have the right colors of clothing the perfect patterns, prints, and clothing materials how do you put them all together and make them serve you a classy and elegant look? MIX AND MATCH TEXTURES—Textures like silk, linen, and satin can be very well accompanied by cotton fabric. The same goes for leather and cotton or leather and satin or silk. Light textures go well with lighter and heavier ones, but heavier textures for the most part do not always look their best paired with other heavy textures, this is not definite but very probable. You'd prefer to avoid the urge to match them especially if you are in a hurry and are looking for a quick fix. MIX AND MATCH COLOURS—As mentioned earlier, solid colors go pretty well with a lot of other solid colors, right here comes the option to color block but that's an entire post on its own, carefully picking bright colors that compliment each other will give you a very classy and polished look. You could also mix shades of the same color to give you what we call monochromatic outfits, these make for very classy and elegant fits. DO NOT MIX AND MATCH PATTERNS—Mixing and matching patterns will do anything but give you fancy, classy, and elegant outfits, one pattern or printed piece is perfectly fine alongside a solid. 4. DO NOT FORGET SHOES!! I won't go into detail on what shoes you should wear with specific outfits because that's an entire post on its own. But to keep up a classy and elegant look every day you would like to give your flip-flops and crocs some downtime. Leaving the house in crocs, house slippers, or flip-flops will do the least in giving you a very classy and elegant look. An alternative for simple classy footwear would be, open sandals, converse (when going for a classy casual look), loafers, or flat pumps. 5. WEAR CLASSIC ACCESSORIES. WRIST WATCHES — A wristwatch is a must-have accessory for both males and females it does a lot for your appearance and gives you a very classy finishing touch. HANDBAGS AND PURSES— A lady and her handbag are best friends, aside from the fact that you need to have with you a bag to carry your essentials a handbag makes a statement of class and elegance. SUNGLASSES— A good pair of sunglasses ties up the entire look, especially for outdoor functions. JEWELRY—Rings, bracelets, necklaces, earrings, and cufflinks are pieces of jewelry that will take your entire wardrobe an extra mile. They surely do not have to be the most expensive jewelry on the market to give a classy look, but pieces like pearl earrings and necklaces will give you classy looks, and small and simple silver and gold dainty necklaces and bracelets or cufflinks will make you look classy. 6. GET MORE CLASSIC AND TIMELESS BASICS INTO YOUR WARDROBE. There are a few basic and timeless or rather evergreen pieces you'll need and you can add over time to your wardrobe always ensure you have classy outfits all the time. TOPS. BLAZER—A basic black or white blazer should do good for starters and with time you could incorporate more nudes and then brighter colors. Starting out with more subtle colors will ensure more range and diversity in your outfits. TRENCH COATS AND JACKETS AND CARDIGANS—A good leather, bomber jacket, trench coat, and cardigan or kimono will do a really good job to give you an amazing classy casual look. BASIC AND FANCY TOPS, SHIRTS, AND T-SHIRTS—These can range from your average plain cut tops and your button-ups to your fancier and more asymmetric, flared, or ruffled tops and shirts. One of these should do amazing. BOTTOMS. JEANS— You can never go wrong with a good pair of jeans. Jeans are a timeless piece and while you most likely already have some, having different kinds, such as the flared, mom, and boyfriend jeans will stretch your range of outfits. PANTS— These are your basic tailored, palazzo, wide-leg pants, chinos, and or basic trousers. , SKIRTS— From your basic pencil skirt, your maxi-skirt, to your pleated flared skirts. SHOES. HEELS— A good and simple pair of heels to go with many outfits will save you a lot of fancy functions. DRESS SHOES —Your basic dress or smart shoe to make a statement for your suits and work clothes. LOAFERS— Loafers perfectly straddle the line between classy and casual. BOOTS— For men, these could be your regular dress boots or your Chelsea boots and for ladies your ankle or knee-high boots. FLAT PUMPS, MOCCASINS, SANDALS/SLIPPERS, OR BOAT SHOES—These usually pair very well with many outfits these could go with your dresses, skirts, trousers, and shorts. SIMPLE MINIMALIST SNEAKERS— Because we are trying to keep the class in our style, instead of your Air Jordan's or Nike Air max's, you might want to opt for the subtle side of the sneaker world, the classic minimalist kinds and pick ones with subtle colors like white, brown, and black, makes them easy to interchange outfits with. OTHERS. DRESSES—A little black or white dress is an essential piece as well as a simple maxi dress if that's your style. JUMPSUITS— Jumpsuits are some of those pieces that come in many different designs but seldom fail to give class and elegance if worn right. 7. LESS IS MORE. To master the art of class and elegance you'll have to incorporate "the way of the minimalist", bright, and very flashy or overly branded clothing will do very little for you when it comes to class, the same goes for accessories, big, shiny, and over the top is not the way to go about composing classy and elegant attire. You want to tone it down a little, and your outfit will give you class and elegance effortlessly. Subtle and soft is the goal. 8. LESS REVEALING. Many people will not want to hear this one, but to keep a classy look a classy look, modesty will have to be incorporated to a certain degree. We are not talking all the way to church, but showing too much skin will not give you the elegance and class you are trying to achieve. As much as we love those super short dresses and open-chested tops for ladies and those buttoned-down shirts for the gents, to look classy and elegant you'll have to switch them out for something with a lot more surface area lol. EXTRAS 1. WEAR MINIMAL MAKEUP. Dial the face beat down. Unless it's a very huge event, you might want to reduce the heavy makeup, and like mentioned before, for an everyday classy look, less is more. Your average natural no-makeup makeup look is the best fit, or like I always prefer no makeup at all, natural is gold too. 2. KEEP CLEAN AND PRESENTABLE FINGERNAILS AND TOENAILS. Always make sure your nails are clean, trimmed, manicured, or pedicured well. Make sure to fix chipped nails or missing manicure nails by either refilling or taking them all out and getting a fresh set. Just always make sure your fingernails and toenails are always looking their best. 3. KEEP YOUR HAIR PRESENTABLE. Always make sure your hair is in its best shape, it doesn't have to be an expensive hairdo or haircut, it just simply has to be tamed and in place. Keep your hair looking clean and well brushed or combed at all times. And here's a tip for the ladies in case your hair situation is not ideal and you don't have the time to take care of that, a temporary fix to that is to invest in a few head wraps and scarfs to keep yourself looking presentable at any time. Headwraps aren't for the sole purpose of substitution, they can be a very intentional fashion statement and are completely acceptable outside the need for improvising. Just always make sure your mane is tamed. 4. SMELL GOOD. Invest in good quality fragrances and have a signature scent, giving off a very pleasant scent that adds so much to class and elegant presentation. Invest in a good perfume or fragrance if you can spend the coins, a good designer perfume will not only last hours upon hours on your clothing it will make a statement no one will be able to forget. BONUS TIPS. See currentboutique.com for more. Wear the right undergarments, simple seamless and nude colors mostly so they are not seen through whatever clothing you put on. Wear well-fitting bras and briefs. Be sure to steam and Iron your clothing before you wear it, pay attention to details. Take out lint and cotton hanging around from your clothes, and never wear damaged or worn-out clothing. Avoid large logos or fake designer pieces. One or two brand names can look classy, but too many can detract from the sophistication you’re going for. Create a personal uniform with dedicated colors, styles, and textures you like to wear. This kind of focused wardrobe will make it easier to shop and get dressed.

You probably think "Nike" when you read this phrase. Yep even I can't say it without picturing the big swoosh. Before we get into today's blog post. I figured out a very interesting truth concerning the oh-so-famous slogan "Just Do It!", Let's dive into that first, shall we? Gary Gilmore, a convicted felon charged with the robbery and murder of a gas station attendant and a motel worker in Utah in 1976, happens to surprisingly be the inspiration behind the renowned brand's slogan. Sentenced to death and sent to Utah state prison, Gilmore, standing before a firing squad, was asked if he had any last words. And his last words were, "Let's do It." Wieden, the co-founder of Wieden + Kennedy advertising agency, a night before pitching in the final line to Nike, was up late brainstorming a slogan to bring before the agency for the Nike brand. Wieden recalled the man from Utah and his final words. Although not impressed with the "Let's" in the criminal's phrase, Wieden decided to replace it with the "Just" we are so familiar with right now. To know more about the history of the slogan, visit creative review. Very interesting how the origin of the Nike slogan that's had an amazing impact on the world was inspired by a very odd circumstance. In their defense, the slogan at the time was of little relevance as no one thought it was necessary to start with, so the source of inspiration was trivial. Away from the history of the slogan, In today's blog post we explore an even more important aspect of the Nike tagline. The actual act of "doing it". Doing what? you may ask, well keep reading. IT, is that thing you've been dreaming about doing or planning to do for a while, it could be for years, months, weeks, or even a couple of days, it doesn't make a difference, the point is for you to just go ahead and do it. What Do You Want To Do, And Why Won't You "Just Do It"? You've had this big idea, this dream, this longing, this passion just burning inside of you, but you aren't doing anything about it because? It's a question. What's stopping you? Let's get a bit more specific, shall we? Is it a business Idea, a huge project, a new carrier path, a YouTube channel, a website, an organization/company, a hobby, a trip, an activity, an online or physical course, a podcast, a new passion, or a new skill? Whatever it is, the question today is, why aren't you taking any steps towards getting it done? What's stopping you? Because I'm for sure certain the saying "where there is a will there is a way" is not third-degree cliché for nothing. Why You Should Just Do It. "Just doing it" may sound very impulsive, which it is, but listen, if you don't, honestly someone else will, and you're most probably going to find yourself regretting not having gone for that dream or that passion as early as you could. Plus, you never know until you try, don't let the fear of what you don't know stop you, because chances are it won't be as bad as you think it will be. You should go on ahead and do it immediately because you never know what happens tomorrow and the worst-case scenario is that it doesn't work out, but thank goodness you did it now because that's a lot of time saved and you can move on to the next thing, think about it the only time you have is now, later or tomorrow is a myth. Are You? Postponing It - Do you keep telling yourself you'll do it when the right time comes? My question for you is are you any closer to the right time? I mean supposing you know when that said right time is because you seem to have enough faith in said time. But don't you think it's funny how it never seems to come, "the right time". If it always seems to be just as far as it was yesterday every day, it could be that it's been with you the entire time, right in the palm of your hands, but you just won't take it on. It's never any closer because it's not even out there, a month, week, or day away, it's right with you, it's with you right now. Here's my take, "Just Do It." The right time is NOW, not tomorrow or next week. Scared - Fear of the unknown has this way of stealing from us the most precious gifts of life like love, memories, opportunities, chances, and dreams. I know trying to step out of your comfort zone is scary and it should be, your comfort zone is made to be your safe space. In your comfort zone, you're in control, nothing comes by surprise, whereas outside it, anything could happen. And when we think of anything, we are always drawn to think of everything that could go wrong and hardly ever everything that could go right. Challenge yourself to see the possibilities of you going and doing what you love and what you've dreamt of doing for so long and the chance of you succeeding at it, try thinking of the satisfaction it's going to give you, being able to achieve that dream or goal. Fear of what people are going to say is another reason to be scared, I know. That's been me for a long while. And I learned one very important fact which is "People really don't care" and when I say this it isn't to say that they don't care about you, but they aren't necessarily spending their days judging and observing every detail about your life and what you chose to do with it. The truth is everyone is the main character in their own story and they aren't all spending time analyzing your steps and making sure they catch every hair that's out of place, which should give you the courage to just go and do that thing that's been on your mind. But If you're spending you're time worrying if they will have opinions on what you do, I'll let you in on this truth, Yes and No. There's going to be people that will say you're doing too much and those that will say you're not doing enough and more often those that won't even care what you're doing, so if you're going to let people stop you from starting that show, business, job, or going on that trip, basically just chasing that dream, at this point, it's not them being an obstacle, it's YOU. Always Quitting - Shia Labeouf says in the video below "If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up." Truthfully having to start over and over, for the most part, is a result of constantly quitting, cheers to persistence, but you never know what would have worked and stuck if you kept going a little longer. Don't abandon your dreams, do not stop, your one day is coming soon, we all get days when we want to give up, especially when it looks hopeless, but the things that matter the most or are worth it tend to take a lot more time and effort than those that aren't worth much. I know you feel like letting it all go and moving on but you never know what amazing things you stand a chance at achieving if you just hold on a little longer. Comparing Yourself To Them - Listen, right off the bat, STOP COMPARING YOURSELF. Is it not enough that you aren't them? There are 8.0 Billion human beings on this planet and it's not a coincidence or luck that there is only one of you among them, I don't care if "the idea is similar" or they "did it first", that could be true but all in all doesn't change the fact that they aren't you. And if this is something you're good at and would love to pursue, that doesn't count as an excuse cause they probably aren't the only ones doing it too. Besides, no one is going to do it like you will, again you're the one in 8 billion, God didn't do that for nothing. If you're saying "they are better" you're probably comparing yourself to people that had a head start or are privileged either financially, have good relationships, or just had more time to get better at what they do, all that still doesn't stop you from achieving what you want because that's their story, focus on building yours. How Do You Just Do It? It's simple really, you Just Do It. Vague? Okay here, you know what you've always wanted to do, you've seen how others do it. You have an idea. but if you don't have a pretty good idea, there are so many ways to get it. The internet is giving out free knowledge every time, people are learning and polishing new skills every day, you could ask people who you know are doing just what you want to do, invest time in learning about what it is you want to do, get a note pad and a pen write down what you learn and have already learned if you want to pursue this and be the best at it nothing is holding you back but you. Make up your mind RIGHT NOW as you read this, go to YouTube, Google, Facebook, and even Yahoo if you have to, go and learn all about it if you know nothing, go and learn how to start it if you don't know how, go and figure out how to be better if you don't know how. Investing in learning all about your dream and passion will make it easier to just do it. And when you do learn all about it and figure out how to begin, just START. Don't Forget To: Be smart about it. - I've seen so many people "follow their dreams" and "chase their passion" at the expense of so much more. That "started from the bottom now we're here" saying can be very misleading, thank God for those that dropped everything to chase their dreams and made it, things could be different for you. I'll tell you this, some people will leave out the fact that while pursuing their dreams, they still we're in school, or had multiple jobs to support their livelihood, or had an actual home and family to go back to, all this just to look like they had it rough and that's the only way to the top when it's not. Dropping out of college or quitting that job to pursue that dream that you aren't sure is going to sustain you is a very reckless thing to do in my opinion. Like I said some people have made it but so many others haven't, those chances are just too slim. Use the opportunities you have now to your advantage, and use them to foster your dream until it can undoubtedly stand on its own. All I'm saying is if you are brave enough to quit whatever you've got going for you right now to purposely strive and suffer for your passion, you can take on the pursuit of your dreams alongside school, work, or family. Be Patient- All good things take time, I don't care how you feel about this saying, it doesn't make it any less true. To be where you would love to be or become who you would love to become might take a while, and temptations to quit will arise, but giving in to impatience is the biggest blunder you could ever make. This is all the reason to "Just Do It" and do it "NOW". You'll need to cultivate time into your dreams and who knows it could take a lot less time than you thought just don't forget to be Patient either way. Love what you do- Working hard for your dreams can become taxing and very tiresome, it can begin to look more like a chore because you're trying to get things done right and on time. But never forget the reason you started and strive to enjoy every moment of it, that way however big or good you get you'll always have your originality at your core. Remember the reason you started and how excited you were for it and just how happy it made you and don't lose that joy to the demand of keeping up with the dream. Keep Learning- The biggest mistake people make after they get their big break is to get comfortable, never stop trying to get better, never stop learning new ways to do what you do, pay attention to change, and find ways to do what you love and keep it relevant to the time and season. Involve God and Pray always- Having God by your side is the best way to succeed. Never stop praying for his guidance and leadership, God will show up every time you need him to, he will help you keep going on days you don't feel like going anymore, he'll pick you up when you fall, he'll comfort you when you feel weary and tired or overworked, and he'll lead you to victory. Many times you'll have to let go and let God. Remember Gilmore, from the beginning of the post the murderer guy? Yeah, he weirdly is the inspiration for Nike's slogan "just do it" and that's very odd of course but I found a lesson in that. As mentioned before he said the words "Let's do it" and even though those words were changed to what they are now, I'm one to believe he said them to mean "Let's get it over with" and though it gives off the most passive attitude, the thing is you'd be surprised how the fear of how something ends or turns out gets diminished once you decide to get it over with. So have an amazing week and If you want to do it "JUST DO IT."

Your overall healthy skin goals very much depend on the way you carry out your shower routine. It's really a few tweaks and tricks you need in your shower routine to make all the difference. Things like flaky, dry, and ashy skin, hyperpigmentation, body odor, increased eczema, uneven skin tone, dull-looking skin, breakouts, ingrown hair bumps, and discoloration can all be a result of a couple steps missing or wrongly executed in your shower routine. "Have no fear, Esse Epistles is here!" (yes you read that right, the cape, and everything, just move on lol). We take a dive into the tips and tricks everyone out there's probably not letting you in on, but I'm your go-to gal. What's The Need For A Shower Routine/Regimen? When the words routine or regimen follow anything, I'm pretty sure your first thought is "time consumption" and I'll be completely frank on this one, the need to increase your shower time by a couple of minutes will definitely rise. But take it from me, having to incorporate those extra minutes will be completely worth it in a little while, it's been tried and tested, I can guarantee you. Having a properly composed shower routine is important because it helps you execute healthy shower habits that not only give you the best out of your shower but also guarantee you healthier skin. Shower Routine Steps For Healthier and Glowing Skin. I'll be breaking these steps down into two categories, your Daily routine —the routine you use on a day-to-day basis, and your Weekly routine — the routine you use only two to three times a week. The facts are you need to practice both the daily and weekly regimen for desired results. DAILY ROUTINE. For this routine, you will have to follow and keep consistency every single day, it could get hard to catch the discipline and commitment needed for this in the beginning, but I can guarantee you that once you latch onto this routine there definitely is no going back. Because there are a few more steps included in this routine, you might need to compromise and make the sacrifice of adding a few more minutes to your bath or shower time, the sacrifice goes a long way trust me. PRE-SHOWER. Daily Face mask- I'll start by saying this very step isn't mandatory but there are many face masks designed to be used on a daily basis, and if you are interested in using these sorts of face masks this is probably the best time to go on ahead and use it, as the first step in your pre-shower routine. Again, this might mean adding a lot more time to your regular bath time, but if you really want the results that's a sacrifice worth making. Cleanse your face- Using your regular facial cleanser, you want to go on ahead and wash your face very thoroughly away from the shower or bath, preferably a sink. I recommend following the 60-second rule and double-cleansing (which could imply using two different cleansers, though honestly using one also works well enough). Make sure you are using the right cleanser for your skin type and skin needs. For more information on this visit Skin Care Is Health Care. Oral Hygiene-Simple and straightforward, floss before you go on and grab your toothbrush, and after a good floss, thoroughly brush your teeth, preferably in circular motions, remembering not to forget to scrub your tongue. Finish this off with a good mouthwash to rinse or gargle. DURING SHOWER. First Wash- Yes I said 'first', implying there is a second round of scrubbing and washing down. Here's why, the first round of your shower's sole purpose is to do heavy-duty work. This is light exfoliation, with much emphasis on the word light. This is the regular and gentle exfoliation your skin needs to get the dirt, dust, and sweat that accumulates, clumps and settles on the surface of your skin every day out. The use of either exfoliating gloves or a good loofah along with your bar soap or body wash is of course obvious. The benefits of using these specific tools are that it helps reduce the duller and less youthful appearance that comes as a result of all that accumulation of dirt, sweat, and dead skin cells on the top layer of your skin. Loofahs and exfoliating gloves scrub this layer off gently without disrupting the young and healthy skin cells underneath, reducing and eventually getting rid of hyperpigmentation and dry flaky skin. Disclaimer: If you have extremely and chronically sensitive skin this is not the way to go to get rid of these skin issues, using exfoliating gloves or loofahs every day could cause you more harm than good and that's the last thing you need. Please seek dermatological assistance if you have to deal with overly sensitive skin. Use this scrub session to the fullest getting to all the nooks and crannies, behind your ears, in between your toes and fingers, behind your neck, behind your knees, your ankles, inner elbows, buttocks, under arms, and in between the thighs. I know it may sound intense but not paying attention to the parts of your body that succumb to folding, friction, and exposure to the sun is risky and will lead to discoloration, uneven skin tone, mustiness, and body odor, trust me that's not a risk worth taking. Second Wash- This time around, all the intense work is done, and we are about to get a lot more gentle, this is my personal favorite part of shower time because it has with it a sense of relaxation. After your first rinse, we go into our second round of scrubbing with the use of our wash cloth which is a lot softer and gentle, alongside a sweet-scented and relaxing body wash or body conditioner. This serves to make sure all the dirt and dead skin that's been scrubbed off is being taken off completely and also revives the moisture that could have gotten lost during the first wash, hence the emphasis on using a body wash or conditioner the second time around. Selective bar soaps can have detergent-like tendencies and strip your skin of its moisture which can cause flakiness and dry skin, so even though they do an amazing job cleansing the skin of stubborn layers of dirt and dead skin cells, they can cause damage if not catered to. So of course it could be a stretch to have to use both a bar of soap and a liquid body wash or conditioner, so I'd suggest you use a liquid body wash or conditioner for both steps all throughout your shower time. But I will be honest with you I'm currently (as of writing this) using both, Dove bar soap and the Lux Soft Skin with French Rose And Almond Oil Body wash and I can attest to the amazing results. Intimate Hygiene- Okay, so when it comes to this one, because I'm female facts point towards me being more acquainted with feminine hygiene than masculine hygiene (if that's what it's called, excuse me for not having any knowledge on this), so this point is definitely going to be 100% female bias. This step purposely comes after both washes because, if you're a well-informed female, you know that our downstairs area is her happiest when she's at certain PH levels ranging between 3.8 and 5.0, which is moderately acidic. So because we do not want our PH balance off, getting into our feminine hygiene after using the different soaps prior, gives us a chance to try and keep the PH balance steady because soaps have a PH balance ranging from 9-10 which is at the polar end of the PH scale running from acidic to alkaline, and that's not what we need. Medical professionals recommend the use of water and light scented or unscented soaps instead, there are a selected few feminine washes that have been given clearance, but that's more research you could go on ahead and personally do here. There's still a heated debate on whether feminine washes should be used or not, seeing as many of them claim to have PH balancing properties, and even though the recommendations given are to use water which has a PH balance of 7 and mild soaps which like mentioned before are still likely to be alkaline. My recommendation is to do enough research and see your gynecologist on a regular, but whether the sun comes out or not, feminine hygiene is a must however you do it. Foot Scrub- I know I went all in with the previous three points but thank goodness this very point is as plain as it comes. Scrubbing, exfoliating, and washing your feet regularly can help prevent irritation, which can contribute to calluses and cracks. It can also help protect you against fungal infections such as toenail fungus and athlete’s foot. That makes washing your feet daily an absolute must. The use of a pumice stone or exfoliating brush will make all the difference. POST SHOWER. Moisturize- Right after you get out of the shower you do not want to get out all dried up. Yes, you read that right, soaking wet is fine too. The point of not drying yourself down immediately after the shower is to retain the moisture that is still on your body with the products you're going to use to moisturize. What you want to do is air dry your body. When your skin is close to getting dry and is in that damp-ish state, that's when you want to begin applying your body with moisturizers. I recommend using a body oil first and then following up with your body lotions or body butters. I'm convinced using your body oil works better in retaining that moisture you need and working hand in hand with your body lotion to give you moisturized and glowing skin to last you the entire day. You want to remember to finish your facial skincare routine when you're done moisturizing your body. Deodorant And Perfume/Body Mists.- Owning a deodorant is just important as owning a bar of soap. If we could wash away our sweatiness for good I'm pretty sure we would, but the world doesn't work that way, we need deodorant to keep the mustiness at bay. Go on ahead and wear your deodorant, body mists, and perfumes most preferably after you have your clothes on for fear of staining them. WEEKLY ROUTINE. This routine in particular will only need to be done two to three times a week, a minimum of at least once a week. PRE-SHOWER. Cleanse face.-Similar to the Daily routine, you want to go on ahead and wash your face first with your cleanser. This is very important as it prepares your skin for the next step which is: Face scrub.- To prevent hyperpigmentation and discoloration exfoliating your face with a good scrub weekly is to be prioritized. Face Mask.- A good weekly face mask is nothing short of a must, this could range from your common clay, and charcoal masks right down to your peel of masks. Disclaimer: I would advise you to be cautious with sheet masks because most of them are used for moisturizing purposes and are to be used at the end of your routine, but unless otherwise, sheet masks will suffice as well. Remember to rinse off after the appropriate time. Oral Hygiene.- Just the same as before, floss before you go on and grab your toothbrush, after a good floss, thoroughly brush your teeth preferably in circular motions, remembering not to forget your tongue. finishing this off with a good mouthwash to rinse or gargle, however you prefer to use your mouthwash. DURING SHOWER. Disclaimer: The 'During Shower' steps can be a lot more time-consuming and is best suited for free days during the week. First Wash.- This goes exactly the same as it would in the daily routine. Body Scrub.- This part in particular is when you want to go in with your body scrub. Any product that's made for this purpose will do well, making sure it is a good and reliable product too. Body scrubs can also be homemade so there really is no need to purchase if affordability becomes a bit of an issue. Homemade body scrubs can be made from sugar, oats, coffee, and more. This step is vital for overall and more intense exfoliation, body scrubs remove dead skin cells, and so provide several benefits: They allow your skin to absorb moisturizer better. By getting rid of dead skin cell buildup, any moisturizer applied afterward will soak into the skin more thoroughly. They unclog pores and prevent ingrown hairs, which is very important for the very next step. Shaving.- You always want to shave only after exfoliation. This makes it easier for you to escape ingrown hairs. Exfoliating pushes dirt and dead skin out of the way, which allows the razor to glide more smoothly over the skin. Additionally, exfoliating before shaving lifts the hairs, making for a painless shave. At this point in our routine, we have already gotten past the exfoliating stage and so shaving comes easy. This is entirely dependent on each individual, especially when it comes to where exactly to shave but the technique still works the same. If you are one to opt for waxing, the principle doesn't change, exfoliation is key. Second Wash.-Again this part goes just the same as it does in the Daily Routine. With the exact same steps to come after, these being Intimate Hygiene and Foot Scrub. POST SHOWER. Moisturize.-This point in your weekly routine is also the same as before, except more attention is paid with regards to where you moisturize. Because you want to make sure you are moisturizing the areas of your body you exfoliated well, thoroughly paying even close attention to areas you might have shaved. Deodorant And Perfume/Body Mists.- Yet again nothing far from the same steps you'll take in your daily fragrance and deo routine, though I will beg you to take caution with spraying alcohol-based (which is almost all) fragrances directly to your skin, especially because after a series of exfoliating, your skin could be a little more sensitive than usual and spraying directly onto your skin can cause a burning sensation or irritation (speaking from experience). Though this is no cause for alarm, it's as expected. TIPS TO CARRY WITH YOU! I know we enjoy steaming hot showers but taking warmer showers as opposed to really hot ones will improve the overall health of your skin. Hot water temps strip away your skin's natural oils and can cause drier, and flakier skin. This is especially troubling if you have dermatological issues or are dealing with eczema or dry skin in winter. I know you'd rather not hear it but Lukewarm water is the way to go. Pro Tip: If lukewarm water feels uncomfortable, start your shower with hot water. Gradually work your way down the temperature scale (from hotter to cooler). Like your toothbrush, replacing your loofahs and exfoliating gloves often is essential. Once you hang your loofah up to dry in the shower area, it’s still technically collecting moisture or steam residue from your time spent using it. Dead skin cells lingering in a moist place are a recipe for dangerous bacteria to grow and multiply. So consider switching them out after a month to three months. Use body washes infused with soothing ingredients and scents or essential oils like rose, lavender, green tea, sea salt, etc. This makes the entire shower more relaxing. Don't be in a hurry to dry yourself down after the shower. You need that moisture. Use Deodorant after you put your clothes on, to prevent staining your clothes. Exfoliate your lips weekly as well. And use chap sticks or lib balm after your facial skin care routine.

Nothing is permanent except change — Heraclitus. I don't know about you, but once upon a time, I found joy in this phrase because all I ever thought of when I heard it was every situation I wanted over and done with, and the hope of one day having it all go away because of course, nothing is permanent and things are bound to change, I wanted it to apply to every situation until it did. Birthday Parties, matching ponytails, soccer in the backyard or the football pitch, talking about boys, talking about girls, playing video games, playing with dolls, slumber parties (sleepovers), playing house, sharing a desk or a bunk bed, study groups, sleepovers, church camp, storytelling, graduating, sharing a workspace, surprise parties, the man cave, girls night out, watching the game, fun at the arcade, sunny day picnics, spa days, engagement dinners, the bridal party, baby showers, god fathering and god mothering, house warming, mummy and me classes, More birthday parties. We've all done either one of these random activities with someone we thought would always stick around (wait, did I say one, no I mean at least ten of these things) but unfortunately, they didn't. I like to think that the possibility of those friendships fading or coming to a sudden end isn't something we foresee or even expect. When I lost touch with a bunch of friends over time, I started to carry this heavy weight that quite frankly I should not have been carrying in the first place, because I thought I allowed it to happen and I should have done something about it, I should have never given way to the chance. Well, I think I understand this a lot better now because some things, we just can't help. So, what do you do When friendships end? But before we give that question an answer, let's answer this one: Why do friendships end? Like I mentioned a few sentences back, we never really expect these partings. You're never spending a day out with your homies and at the back of your mind thinking "We're not going to be friends anymore." If you do then, woah child, see someone about that. Lol, I'm playing, but if you really do that's cause to either re-evaluate your friendships, or get busy on introspection honey, but that's a topic for another day. Generally speakingh, we never have that train of thought. Especially because these are people we're one hundred percent certain to be our actual friends, you know, they've been tried and tested, and all that mental stuff we do before we decide to keep being friends with these particular people. But why are you seated where you're seated right now, not talking to or ever catching up with that person you once had very consistent and healthy communication with? There are many reasons for that let's explore, shall we? I've given this a lot of thought, and I'm convinced almost all reasons for friendships to end can be placed under two main categories: Time And Space. Growing apart is one of the most common reason for relationships to end, the majority of relationships slowly just fade into existence and most times there's little to nothing we can do about it. 1. Proximity. After we graduate, pursue our carriers, get promoted, or start families the need to move away may arise. And even when we leave behind the warm and very intentional promise to "Call you every weekend", or "Text every day", the truth is the further we are away from the people we once couldn't go a whole day or week without seeing and being around, the higher the chances of that relationship fading into existence. This isn't to say that failure of friendships is guaranteed by long distance, some friendships may struggle to face the test of time but will definitely prevail if either party moves closer in proximity. But when this change is permanent, most cases don't beat the odds. 2. Interests and Values Change. With time comes growth, as individuals, we can grow out of certain interests, finding new and possibly better ones along the way. We can adopt different values and let go of others, unfortunately, some of these interests and values we end up dropping are those associated with the friends we once had. We can start to prefer new places, movies, activities, actions, behaviors, and general concepts over the ones we previously did with our previous buddies, depending on how long this goes for, the relationship can come to a strain and eventually end. 3. Make New Friends. This one would most probably be a subset of the two previous points but I must make it separate just to be more specific. As time goes by and everything about us changes, our interests, our values, and behaviors, we meet new people that may be a lot more compatible with us and we happen to share many commonalities with them. Being around these people can feel a lot more comfortable and easier than trying to hang around the people we've lost commonalities with, and with time we can start to gravitate more towards the people we recently made friends with, and this eventually weakens the bonds we had with old time friends. Bad Friendship Qualities. Sometimes it isn't a subtle ending, one that fades almost seamlessly, with no epic bang, or a very noticeable occurrence. Sometimes there's bad blood, misunderstandings, and conflict involved. 1. Betrayal and Disloyalty. It's sad that sometimes we can find ourselves in positions where our most trusted friends don't seem to be so trustworthy anymore and are not as loyal as we'd want them to be. I know, I wish the world worked differently too, but it doesn't. When people go behind their friends' backs or even worse, are upfront and personal about doing or saying stuff that violates their entire friendship, this becomes a huge problem for it. When there's any cause for one party in a friendship to doubt the other's loyalty to the friendship chances are, the friendship will come to an end. 2. Disrespect. This one comes in many forms, I can't even begin to mention them all, it could be direct or indirect. Whether it's not respecting opinions, boundaries, interests, values, or the person as a whole, lacking respect for one another in a friendship will definitely call for a split. 3. Lack of Trust. I am of the idea that relationships are to be built on trust, and I know for a fact that anything that presents itself as friendship but is lacking in the very aspect is definitely not a sound friendship. If you can't trust the person you call your friend anymore, the relationship you have will start to waiver. 4. Expectations Not Met. When two people have different expectations for what the relationship should comprise, that's with regard to what each party expects from the other, this could cause a lot of havoc. I got a lot more insight from The Art Of Manliness and they explain it a lot better with an even better example, you should check them out. But basically, when what you'd like to be brought to the table in the friendship is not discussed and or the idea runs different across each individual, there can be tension and a sense of injustice felt. One party can begin to feel as though the other isn't putting in as much work or isn't doing what a friend should do, again, with respect to how they think a friend should act, and the other party might take it lightly either because they find it to be a trivial point, or view the situation completely differently. 5. Others. Jealousy, Selfishness, Secret hate, Envy, Manipulation, Dishonesty, Secrecy, Competition, etc. There are so many of these, the list could really go on and on and on. But the point of this specific blog post is to answer the first question we asked. Which was: "What do you do when friendships end?" I say that depends on how and or why it ended. When it comes to friendships that fade away because of time and space, the truth is some friends you'll never see, some you will on very rare occasions, and some you'll probably get back together with. When it comes to the unpredictability that comes with friendships that end this way, the best way to go about it is to have an open mind, be grateful for the times and moments shared in the past, and look forward to one day meeting them and sharing stories about your new lives with each other. Cherish that moment as well for even if it might never happen again, it did. We can't blame people for having lives and living them, especially if that path drives them further away from you, it's life, it has that tendency, but we can celebrate them instead with every chance we get no matter how small that window may seem, it will always be worth it. When it comes to those endings that leave a scar, I'll say something that not many people want to hear, and that's, to make room for Grace. I know we live in a culture that's starting to run with mottos like "If It's not serving me it's got to go", and I understand the need to get away from someone that hurt you, but the art of reconciliation and forgiveness is very vital, remember we are all human beings and we error A LOT. If any of us made wrong moves or said the wrong thing, or acted the wrong way and ended up hurting the people we call our friends, we would want a chance to make it right, especially if it's a friendship we treasure. I'm just saying before we sign off, it would help to maybe talk about it with the person and try to fix whatsoever the problem is, in the most respectful and dignified way we can because of course shouting and making a scene for the sake of confrontation will do us little to no good, plus we're grown, that's always too much. I'm not trying to say everyone has good intentions and everyone deserves to be given a second chance, I'm saying the opposite actually. I'm saying not everyone should get written off. Again there are purely evil people out there that disguise themselves as friends, and they can be after you for everything but the actual friendship you have to offer, and these people will need to be kept as far away from you as possible. And it could be someone you really cared for when this happens, I know you feel the betrayal and it stings, but you'll have to believe that God has better for you and be glad you escaped either a manipulative, disrespectful or altogether toxic friendship. This is one of the reasons I recommend placing your friends in prayer and your entire life surrounding friendships, I promise you God does show up all the time. Friendships are one of the few things I take very personally, I don't do it often either, making friends that is. Because I think having and making real friends is too beautiful of a thing to take lightly, especially if these are people that will have an impact on your life, there really is no rush. Take time to know people and be convinced enough that they are people that care for you and would go the extra mile for you as well, while you are at it you could also re-evaluate yourself and how much of a good friend you're being too. It's easy to point out the reasons everyone else is being a bad friend but harder to detect whether we're being bad friends as well. I know you want good friends, but are you one as well? And please please please please please, good friends aren't people that live life as you live it, so if the only reason someone isn't being a "good friend" according to your understanding is that they aren't being what YOU would want them to be, ask yourself this, are you being what THEY would want you to be too? Good friendships aren't built from the concept of people giving up their individuality for those they want to keep their bonds intact with, I think it's built from the idea that people should embrace each other's differences, and find and use to their advantage the beauty in the diversity that exists between them. Compromise is something that must be present without a doubt, it's the only way to make room for all the individuality going around in friendships, but giving up your entire person is too big a sacrifice for a friendship, so that too is a point, actually let's make it one: Bonus Point: Losing Yourself. If a friendship takes away your individuality and makes you abandon who you're comfortable being, that's too much of a stretch for anyone. Embrace who you are, embrace who others are, embrace each other, that's the Esse'nce of Friendship.

In the Christian community the phrase "personal relationship with God" is one of the most common phrases you'll ever get to hear, almost just as much as you hear the phrase "Only God can Judge me", with these phrases being very true and significant truths, I'm afraid the former is one that could go by without being completely understood, or worse, being understood but never achieved. I'll let you in on a truth, people want to know God. They don't look like it but trust me they do, I know this because I've been 'people' before. Understanding what knowing God personally means, is one thing, but actually living to know him personally is another. It can be hard for reasons that have to do with not being able to overcome certain things about life that just stop us from actually doing it, actually knowing God. You know, like sin. But aside from that, it could also be genuine oblivion or just plain ignorance. So my job today is to try and make that easier for you and me. What Is A Personal Relationship With God? A personal relationship with God, in my opinion, is basically taking the necessary steps to know and embrace the person of God. For example, how well you know your besties or your sisters and brothers, your girls, your guys. How you know what they like, hate, and care for, what makes them happy, or gives them joy, what triggers them, where they are found, and what they love to do? How all that helps you keep healthy and flourishing relations with either one of them. That's how I see it, but in this very specific case, it's having a relationship with the one friend you CAN'T afford to not have. The last thing I want to do is reduce the relationship we share with the creator to that which we share with a friend because obviously, they are nowhere near each other in comparison. Having a personal relationship with God is much more important to start with and basically can not be compared to your relationship with friends and family. But our joy is in the realization that God actually calls us to be his friends as well as his children, while we are well undeserving and never able to be as good a friend as he is, it would be even more dreadful of us to not try. So if you do want to give it a go, here is my guide to doing so. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. John 15:12-15. 3 Things You NEED To Do First. Understand you need one. I've used the words "people want to have a relationship with God" with emphasis on the word want, and that's good, the intention is present. But I think it's even more important that people know they need this relationship even more than they want it or aspire to have it. We need a personal relationship with God because there are many things about it that our regular relationships will never be able to provide us with. Imagine being best buds with the one that snapped (I'm being figurative okay, don't come for me) everything we've known and come to know into existence. Doesn't that amaze you? Cause it does me. Having God in close proximity to you is one of the best positions you will ever find yourself in, I'm speaking from experience. Having God right by you will change everything about who you are. Sowing into a devout and unwavering relationship with God will reap, peace, joy, fulfillment, freedom, contentment, and all-around completion man could only dream of having. I know this is not new to your ears and I'm probably one out of hundred articles, videos, songs, movies, ads, and people that you've heard these promises from. I wish I could make you understand it the way I came to, but this is one of those things that you'll have to see for yourself. I could go on and on about understanding the need but that's an article for another day. Understand what this decision means. So you know you need this, but what does it mean for you now, what does it mean for your life? I'm led to believe that this very step is what people miss and end up realizing later in their attempt to build a relationship with God and it makes the general pursuit seem harder or almost impossible, which it isn't. Pursuing a relationship with God can mean a lot of different things depending on where you are in your life. This part is the hardest part of all of them because it can mean making very hard decisions and sacrifices, no one enjoys this, it's never a walk in the park, if people make it look so, let me be the one to break the news to you, honey, they are lying through their teeth. I'd be tremendously failing to fulfill my intentions, if everything I said now just scared you away from the thought of trying to give this relationship with God thing a go, I pray it hasn't. But I just had to break the ice first before telling you why even though this step is the hardest one, it's the most important of all three. Everything that comes with deciding to take this "Team Jesus" thing seriously, is hard and will call for tough decisions and moves, but if I can guarantee you anything, it's this, successfully getting close to God will be a decision you will always wish you made earlier, It doesn't matter how old you are at the time of making said decision. Changing everything you had to change will be a move you will never ever regret making, the being you will become will shock you to your core because you'd have never imagined yourself growing into what God already knew you were supposed to grow into. Again the results of this step are so many and I could take hours writing them down for you all, but then that defies the entire purpose of this specific post. Just trust me when I say it's hard but it's worth it, the hardest things usually are. I could swear on my life (And I shouldn't even be swearing). Start Immediately. That saying "tomorrow never comes" applies the most here. One of the biggest misconceptions about this very act is that you need the right time to start, when there is in fact no right time to start. I've said this before, "I'll start to pray more tomorrow" until I figured I said this on every single tomorrow that I had just because it was a today. Waiting to "have it all together" is not the way to go about this decision. God's always there, start the very minute you think of it, and don't waste another second. I could have been away from the church for over 20 years and the next person could be on their way off the pulpit having given the most sanctified sermon known to have ever been given by man, and I'll tell you what, we are both undeserving of the love God gives to both of us, and just for the record he still loves us both the same. So, Start Now. Here's How To Build A Relationship With God. 1. Make Time To Pray. Taking out a few minutes to pray and have quiet time with God will make all the difference. I know you've heard all this before, I don't blame you if that's cause for you to take this point casually, but I think it's all the reason to do the exact opposite, take it seriously. It's such a vital part of this journey you can't afford to skip it. Having designated time to talk to God is such an important part of your journey to a personal relationship with God. I know that sometimes being told to do this as a mandatory instruction can suck out all the beauty in actually having time to talk to God, especially if you're going to get on your knees and say the same words you heard your Deacon say last Saturday or Sunday. Prayer is not a chore, once you realize that and free yourself from the heavy mandate to pray and allow yourself to experience the joy that's found in prayer, it's something you'll eventually look forward to doing more. Remember this You're talking to someone that's listening and really wants to talk back to you, especially if you listen as well. 2. Study The Word Of God More. Yep, another one of those "tell me something I don't know" moments, I know, but hear me out. This is the Goldmine, without these steps, all attempts to actually know God are futile, I know you probably don't like reading much or maybe can't find the time, but thank God for technology right? You could listen to the word of God on Audio as you go about your day, Of course, I'd prefer the actual Holy Book, but if the options are the audio Bible or nothing at all, I'll take the former to go, please. The point is that God's word is basically the pathway to knowing, understanding His nature, and also listening to Him. He literally gave us the guide to knowing enough about Him, just enough to help us actually have a chance at being His friend well enough. Pick up your Bible, switch on the Bible app, tune into that Podcast, and get yourself some Word. 3. Have Fellowship. Find yourself a community of people that have either achieved the goals you're trying to achieve or are after the same goals you're after. Because then chances of you giving up are a lot slimer, and when I say, people, I mean actual human beings and not "church Folk", because honestly, some people in the church can make it look like they never go through problems and difficulties human beings go through almost as if they are perfect, and many times being around people that hide the fact that we struggle to stay spiritually upright as human beings, can make it harder to keep going. I had the amazing opportunity of having friends that were almost as messed up as I was when we started this pursuit of a relationship with God and I'll tell you having them to talk to when I failed made it easier for me to get right back up, and try harder because not only did I know that they understood but that they wouldn't judge me for falling short. Get me correctly though, I'm not saying go and find people that are struggling to have this relationship only and you're fine, that's dangerous, you can convince your selves of so much wrong in such a setup. It's vital that you also find people of the faith that have reached a certain level of maturity in their walk with God so they can also guide you, the reason I'm for the idea of having mentors in the Faith as well is that you will always need someone to show you the ropes in some areas of life, especially the Christian life and keep you from making certain mistakes they already made and now you don't have to. Think of it, you might be that one to another person someday. Find a local church if you do not have one, going and being around so many people with the intention to serve and live for God will always be of help to your relationship with God, you learn so much about how God relates with His people. 4. Develop a "What Would God say" mindset. Achieving this way of thinking will come easy when you've gotten well acquainted with the first two points, prayer and Bible Study. When you speak and listen to God on a regular, you start to have a better idea of what he would say concerning many things and how He would have you behave towards or respond to life. Putting into consideration, especially in your day-to-day life, what God has to say about everything will have a huge impact on the way you live your life and relate to Him. 5. Meditate. Life can get a bit much, always on the go. It can be hard to slow down and listen to God as well. And when you hear the word meditation, I know you can be led to think Yoga and Monks, I do not mean that I just simply mean, find solitude. Use whatever time you have to yourself, to sit and reflect on God and who He is to you, you don't even have to say words most times unless you're actually led to pray, but it's in these moments alone with God that he says the most to us, It's building a healthy prayer life, after all prayer isn't just telling God all your problems and never hearing from Him as well, it's communication and we tend to hear from God the most when we are open to actually listening to him. I find spending some time alone, with my Bible app playing very soothing Instrumentals and displaying Bible verses for me to meditate over, one of the most refreshing and soul-renewing times of my day. I'm always looking forward to doing it again. And you know you're developing a strong relationship with someone when you're eager to go and be with them. 6. Talk To God. It would seem as though I've already spoken on this in previous segments on this post, but let me make it make sense. I mentioned prayer already, but in this specific moment I mean, literally speaking to him like He is seated right next to you because in an actual sense he is. This does sound crazy, and it would be If you did it the wrong way. There are times you'll feel like pouring out your thoughts to God and you won't be in the position to kneel down or have the whole formal prayer setup. God is a friend and just straight up saying what you want to say without having to start the conversation with our oh-so-popular "Dear Heavenly Father..." opening is okay. King David did it all the time, I don't see why you can't. Next time you want to say something to God just say it, I do it all the time, everywhere. Doing this keeps you aware of His presence, trust me you never forget that he is right beside you. 7. Don't Compare Your Relationship With God To That Of Others. Your relationship with God will look different from other people's relationship with God anyway so there is no need to measure your relationship with God based on how other people's relationships with Him are going. Your way of communicating with Him could be different, and the way you choose to follow him could look different from how other people choose to, cause there is no one size fits all when it comes to who God is to each Individual. 8. Trust Him. All relationships are built on trust. And one thing is for sure, God is trustworthy. You can trust God with your possessions, your heart, your mind, your soul, and more especially your life. God always has the best for you. One of my favorite blogs, Daily She Pursues, puts this in a better perspective. She writes: "You can also trust him with the not-so-pc thoughts and emotions that sometimes go through your heart. You can tell him when you feel angry, or when you feel afraid; you can trust him when you’ve sinned or fallen short, and be confident that he won’t turn you away. You can tell him your deepest, darkest secrets and the hidden struggles you’d never want anyone else to know about. After all, he’s the only one who can heal you from those things to begin with. God already knows how you feel inside. Don’t sugarcoat it with Christian phrases and cliches when deep down inside you are hurting and unsure of what to do. Tell God whatever you feel inside. He’s God – he’s not offended by the thoughts in your heart. Let him help you process them."

I remember once really wanting to grow up, I was in high school, 16 years old, and in grade 11, occasionally I'd be seated in my classroom physically present and mentally error code 410—Gone. You know how everyone was very excited to be either turning 16 or 18, me? Nah, y'all could have had all your sweet 16 or 18 parties, but me? for some weird reason, all I wanted was to hold my 20's in the palm of my hands and say "yep I'm a whole grown-up now." And nope, it wasn't for freedom's sake like I didn't have any, man I had the average amount of freedom a Zambian teenager could have lol. But what about my 20's did I want so bad? The answer is growth, I wanted change, discovery, different, spontaneity, random, experience, amazement, surprise, challenge, and achievement, even though I didn't know it well, I wanted New. 2020 July 14th, girl's turning 20, "mummy, I'm a big girl now, It's what I've always wanted!!… umm sorry what did you say? I have to do what? say what? go where? wait, on my own? like in real life though? oh, I see, oh okay, umm yeah sure it's what I really want, or...wanted? right? RIGHT!!?" "Right, but I'm starting to think I actually don't want that, because what if I... more importantly what if I don't...?" Everything that I was supposed to be able to do now, or waited to be able to do (because you can grow up at any age really and I was waiting for 20) was straight out scary and looked so hard, well mostly because it was all New. I'm the girl that always has a maximum of only two routes to church, class, the market, to everywhere really, It doesn't get any more random than that. But now all of a sudden growing up has all these things I actively have to try out, learn how to do, start, be brave for, to face. So yeah that wasn't going to fly. No Ma'am. So all those things I thought I wanted from my twenties, growth, change, different, etc I thought I could have without doing the needful, naïve? You could say that over and over again. Y'all, I had to start talking to more than just the people in my room, I had to actually want to go outside, I had to make real moves and be intentional about them too, I had to go out and be okay with failing? I don't know about y'all but I still can't begin to imagine anything more terrifying. And that's something I wasn't ready to do, honestly. So I just didn't. 2021 July 14th, Tasha's turning 21, "bruh I'm not even looking forward to this horror story, I wish I could go through the whole day and not pay attention to the fact that I'm growing up, let's not get it twisted, I love that I'm growing up and all, another year to my life blah blah blah, but y'all know soon I'll have to start to generate a real income, and pay bills and sustain a livelihood on my own? Like bold steps, risks and all that scary stuff, like actual adulting, with no strings attached right? What the hell was 16-year-old me high on, cause this doesn't feel or sound as good as I imagined it to be." I'm the firstborn in a family of 5 kids, so someone tell me, how on God's green earth was supposed to get away with growing up without working towards it? I've always treasured the peace and safety that certainty and constancy came with, knowing how almost everything plays out, leaving very little room for unforeseeable events. I liked that, as a matter of fact, I loved it. But as God should have it, I couldn't stay inside my comfort zone too long ( I just remembered a time I tried to look for the benefits of staying INSIDE your comfort zone, cause I was so convinced I couldn't possibly be wrong about it), I needed to leave eventually, and the truth is somewhere deep down I still wanted to be a grown-up and feel all those things I mentioned before, I wanted New. But to experience New I needed to be okay with the dangers that came with pursuing it. I had to learn that failing is okay, that fear is normal, that sometimes you have to try over and over again, that you don't always get what you want, that you could get hurt along the way, you could lose battles, yourself, and people you love. I spent so much time trying not to run into everything New, but many times when you're trying to avoid certain people or things, they're usually trying to do the exact opposite, and with very little strain. Trust me running into the very thing you've been trying to avoid feels 10 times worse because you're not prepared for it in the slightest. I had to have the "talk" with myself and God on several occasions, and after a long time of fighting with the stubborn part of me that kept a stronghold to familiarity, the facts were the 16-year-old in me still existed, and her dreams were still there too. I still really wanted to sit in the fruitfulness of growth, achievement, and all that exciting stuff, but I'll have to crack open this shell and trust that as long as I have God by me, family, and friends too, the occasional fall will not render me done for. And when I get scared, sad, angry, doubtful, lonely, disappointed, feel betrayed, abandoned, left alone, hurt, hated, ridiculed, walked away from, and maybe even worse (Yoh!! Lord whatever worse is *insert crying emoji*), I'm going in the right direction. Nothing worth having, No destination worth reaching, No love worth having, No trophy/medal worth winning, No dream worth coming true, No degree worth getting rewarded, is easy. "everything good about taking the step is on the other side of trying." We might all have to step out of some shells, and it will feel New. If you're like me, New doesn't usually feel or sound good in the beginning, but like KB says "I'm betting the bag on myself," New will feel good. Besides "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the New is here!" Make sense? You tell me, all I know is God says New is good, so watch this space (lol legit just said "watch this space," ha! but I mean it) 2022 14 July, Mama's turning 22. "Hey Lord, I'm ready for New, I'm not so sure I like it much yet, but I need it, so let me at it, you're near me, I know I'll be fine." (Cue Lights On by Trip Lee) How about we welcome New with a huge round of applause and maybe a standing ovation from those that want it too. Words from the Author. Hey Y'all, been a minute. Nope actually more like eons. But here is me!! So I turned 22, (Imagine me doing your happy dance, but only if it's cool). I can safely say this birthday is one of the only ones I've really looked forward to, only because I chose to use it specifically as a doorway to trying to overcome something I'd always found really hard, that's trying new things. Anyway, where did I go? I haven't really figured that out myself, because I was around but not around at the same time, honestly, you'd have to be God to know, Cause I'm almost as blank. The thing is during my disappearance I had a bunch of ideas that all turned into drafts, and funny this post wasn't even one of them. I'll probably post them later as well. I did a lot of thinking, re-evaluating, mental planning, and a lot more learning. So all in all it wasn't a useless break, let's call it a recon break, sounds cooler lol. But thank you sooooooooo sooooooo much to every person that checked in to ask why I hadn't written in a while, I remember each and every one of y'all, and every time you asked It warmed my heart literally cause what!!?? you guys actually care!!!!!! And I honestly can't say thank you enough, where ever you are, be rest assured you're the subtle reminders that the world still has good people, lol I'm not just gassing y'all. I LOVE YOU TO BITS. I really hope you like this short blog post. To that one that's afraid to step out of their comfort zone but wants to really bad or is not convinced they should, you're not the only one, just give it a go, remember: everything good about taking the step is on the other side of trying. Verse of the week. Joshua 1:9: Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. See you all soon. Blessings.

"Like a cradle rocking, rocking, Silent, peaceful to and fro, Like a mother's sweet looks dropping On the little face below, - Hangs the green earth, swinging, turning, Jarless, noiseless, safe and slow; Falls the light of God's face bending Down, and watching us below. And as feeble babes that suffer, Toss and cry, and will not rest. Are the ones the tender mother Holds the closest, loves the best. So when we are weak and wretched, By our sins weighed down, distressed, Then it is that God's great patience Holds us closest, loves us best. O great Heart of God! whose loving Cannot hindered be nor crossed; Will not weary, will not even In our death itself be lost, - Love divine! of such great loving Only mothers know the cost, - Cost of love, which, all love passing, Gave a Son to save the lost." - Saxe Holm. Agape, God's love for the created, the created's love for God. We've spent the last three days reading about the three natural loves, Today being the last day of the Love series, we look at the most important of them all, the love that keeps them as they are to be, Agape. Oh a love so great, a love that descended to the lowest of lows to dwell amongst mankind, to not only demonstrate and edify on the natural loves themselves but to also reveal the greatest of them all, unconditional love, blemish-less love. sacrificial wholesome and complete and completing love. The natural loves, the love of affection, the sort of love there ought to be between near relations, the love within friendships, and the love between the sexes, as amazing as they are individually and in conjunction with one another, are not enough on their own. "The natural loves prove that they are unworthy to take the place of God by the fact that they cannot even remain themselves and do what they promise to do without God's help. Why prove that some petty princeling is not the lawful Emperor when without the Emperor's support he cannot even keep his subordinate throne and make peace in his little province for half a year?”- C.S. Lewis. Natural loves are to be submitted to Agape or be transformed into Agape. As mentioned in the previous post, Eros, making these other loves the basis and most important is futile because they cannot stand on their own, especially in regards to the sustenance of the human mind, body, and soul. For in themselves lies the lack of durability, unwavering correctness, and permanence, they have the capability to die out with time, especially without the constant and intentional work and effort of the one in whom they reside, but in comparison to Agape, this love being the love of the creator of the other three natural loves is more than capable of self-sustenance, for it is the origin of all love and in it and only by it are all the other forms of love able to exist. I've personally noticed that the natural loves are principles or traits that seem to originate from the greatest love among them, Agape. Let's see, shall we? PHILIA AND AGAPE In Philia we talked about the fact that when we have love for our friends we have love for plainly the fact that they are who they are, that in a circle of friends each man stands for nothing but what they are. I see this trait in the heart of Agape, in that with God's love for us, there isn't any trait or form of discrepancy with the way God loves us as compared to the way he chooses to love others. Aside from that the love found in Philia is not self-seeking, we mentioned that with Philia there is love between individuals that makes it easy for one friend to want only what's best for the other, it does not seek its own good but the good of another a well, that selflessness amongst many other traits has it's way in Philia too. And I can't think of any other way through which God's selfless love for humanity was displayed better than his ultimate sacrifice, that he sent his son to take on himself the infirmities of the world so as to grant his creation freedom from eternal demise. STORGE AND AGAPE When we spoke of Storge, we spoke of the way Storge is a form of affection that runs through family or different relations, we spoke of how this said affection causes people to be able to provide for the needs of those they have close relations with, their families in particular, despite the condition of the recipient, worthy of said assistance or not. I see the merciful and gracious hand of God as the point from which Storge gets its reference being still that the love of God is a love we are without doubt undeserving of but still are in the habit of receiving, (thank God for grace). Along with the unconditional and most often undeserving love we receive in Storge we see long-suffering and humility, traits of love spoken in the letters to Corinth, and those are traits of love as well found in the person of God himself. EROS AND AGAPE In Eros, we see that there is the tendency to count all things and all others as loss, within this strong urge to love each other above everyone else, the longing to be with and for one particular person forever is found as well. Agape, in the same way, is illuminated when we observe the love of the creation for its creator, in the Bible we see the greatest commandment to love thy God with all that we can significantly call our own, our minds our hearts, and our souls, the first commandment alike, that man shall have no other God but The Father in Heaven, so here again, we see the prioritizing nature of love that's offered to the creator by the creation.(Matthew 22:37,Exodus 20:3) What then is Agape or Love itself? We know “God is love” and again “Not that we loved God but that He loved us” (1 John 4:8, 10). We must not begin with mysticism, the soul's desire for God and the wonderful foretaste of our enjoyment of God, which had been vouchsafed [granted, made known] to some even in this life. The best mystics will warn us not to. We must begin with God's love for the creatures. Love itself, God's love, is utterly disassociated from need. It is manifested first in creation and then in redemption. The doctrine that God was under no necessity to create is not a bit of useless and abstract scholasticism. It is essential, for it reveals the nature of Agape: that which in itself is complete, self-sufficient, eternally blessed, which has no wants to satisfy, creates what it doesn't need, creates because, being Love, it desires to give, and gives seeing in the very moment of creation the necessity for the crucifixion. We know many ways through which Agape displays itself in the light of God loving us, but how is it displayed in the light of us loving God, aside from complete submission. There is the love that we express in obedience (John 14:15-23). There is love for the humanity of our Lord, for the Holy Child or the Sufferer. There is also the unsatisfied love thirst or longing for God (Psalm 63:1). "Man's love is perfected by becoming, in a sense, nothing. He is less than a mote in that sunbeam, vanishes-not from God's sight - but from ours, and his own, into the nuptial solitude of the love that loves Love, and in Love, all things." Words from the Author. So much has been said about love and the four ways through which it presents itself, as the origin of other loves, as the most natural of all the loves, as the highest form of love, and even as the most passionate of all loves. It's been fun for me writing, tiresome but in its own weird way, rewarding, going through a kind of a bitter-sweet moment as of right now, but sweeter though. We've come to the end of the love series. And I'm super grateful to everyone that spared time to read any one of the posts, even all of them if you did, but if you couldn't read all of them consecutively, remember they will always be here. God bless and see you soon. 4th Verse of the week. JOHN 3 vs 16 : "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." See you all soon. LOTS OF LOVE.

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of being and ideal grace. I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I love thee purely, as they turn from praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death." -Elizabeth Barrett Browning - 1806-1861 Eros, known as the love between the sexes, more specifically in this post, known as the state of being in love. In all honesty, I do not even know where to start, it almost feels like writer's block, but that's only because love has a lot to it. True love! Love at first sight! Love isn't real! Love is a risk! Love is blind! Love is worth everything! I know many people have a negative view of love, many of them being victims of the infamous heartbreak. But I've had the chance of meeting others that had just never been in love or otherwise were in this, so rather deceptive, form of love – sexual desire, and in a more innocent manner, a strong and weird kind of fondness for another and the possibility to change social status, commonly from "single" to" in a relationship" or even to "married". The group of people having been first-hand recipients of disappointment and heartbreaks hate the idea of love entirely for the offense bestowed on them, they hate it because they can't seem to imagine how adoring one person over every other, could be paid with rejection or deception. The other group of people that merely find pleasure in the idea of being "cuffed" and taking part in the occasional "hook up" may tend to not be fond of or be particularly familiar with the truth that is Eros – preoccupation with the beloved in their totality, not only for what they might offer– a status, random and unpredictable moments of ecstasy, the thrill, the drama, or the fantasy. This stands for reasons foreign to me unless I guessed it to be the memorable experience, the story to one day tell perhaps? As unfortunate as both scenarios are, they both just seem to explicitly prove the existence of Eros, one in its failure, and the other in its complete absence or misunderstood nature. Let me not forget to mention that, it would be better for both parties to think alike in those very circumstances, in order to avoid the emotional impairment most likely to land upon either one of them, but as imperfect as the world ought to be, there almost always is a party that holds true Eros for the other that bears the ignorance of it, it's all but unfortunate. "But what sort of good fortune must fall upon a man that truly seeks to experience the splendor of the uncorrupted escapade, Perfect Eros?" What really? We would have to change the world, is my answer. The common phrase "It starts with me" is to be taken for gospel truth in this sense. Eros encompasses the fair and the ugly, so to truly "start with you" one would have to acknowledge that the "man in the mirror" could more accurately be referred to as the "men in the mirror", the reflection of the one looking into it staring back, and the reflection of the two-faced one that governs his adoration for another. The revelation of this saves said one, from a lot of rather unnecessary heartache. Once Eros and both its beauty and danger are identified the latter is duly exposed and the former illuminated. THE BEAUTY OF EROS. Eros makes it easy to desire in the strictest sense not of course any person, but "that very one"( which is why I very strongly believe you can't cheat on the person you love). The lover in some mysterious fashion desires the beloved, rather than the pleasure they could give. Without Eros, every desire is primarily about ourselves, but within Eros, it's about the beloved. Eros makes lust for the other altruistic, tosses personal happiness aside as a triviality, and plants the interests of another in the center of our own being. It overleaps the high wall of our self-hood. We find ourselves really fulfilling the law, really loving another as ourselves. "Eros makes vows without being asked." With Eros, the words "I will ever be true, and will ever be here" aren't words to be birthed only before the marriage officiant, like a child's first utterance, this is Eros's own. Eros embraces playfulness and the comic, C.S. Lewis says "Lovers, like everyone else, continue to feel an element not only of play or comedy, but even of buffoonery in the body’s expression of Eros, and the body in this relation as elsewhere would betray and frustrate us if this ceased to be so. "Eros, in most times long ago was treated with extreme seriousness, normally referred to by our ancestors as "Venus", the carnal ingredient within Eros. In turn making the matter of two people being attracted to each other a matter of business, business related to procreation,( Look up the concept of the "man and superman" and "The Life-force" a play by Shaw) which only demanded a serious approach. Eros allows the man and his beloved the chance to be playful and free-minded. "Natural things are dangerous when they begin to seem too divine." With Eros, there is the sacrifice for possible future pain and despair. "For it’s the very mark of Eros that when it is in us we would rather share unhappiness with our beloved than be happy on any other terms. Even when the impossibility of happiness in marriage with our beloved becomes inescapably clear, Eros never hesitates to say ‘better this than parting’, ‘better to be miserable with him/her than be happy without him/her, ‘better our two hearts should break together than mend and be whole apart’. If the passion within you doesn't say this, it's not Eros." THE DANGER OF EROS. The sinfulness or innocence of the act of love does not depend in the least on the presence or absence of Eros. Thousands of generations of our ancestors were married off in early youth to partners chosen by their parents, partners they weren't in love with. Dozens of them were good people and kept their vows. The mutual duty of ‘paying their marriage debt’ [reciprocal conjugal rights] as it was called, was discharged with no other ammunition than plain animal appetite, for no other was to be had, and they did right. On the other hand, this act done under the influence of soaring Eros may yet lead to plain fornication, and adultery and may involve breaking a girlfriend/wife's heart, deceiving a boyfriend/husband, betraying a friend, and abandoning one's children. Eros may urge people to do evil as well as good. It most often is neither wandering lust nor idle sentiment that draws miserable couples into cruel and treacherous unions and to suicide and murder, usually, such awful propulsions are a result of Eros. Eros can harness in us a form of Idolatry, people captured by the voice of Eros will follow every call it makes, and the urge to follow "love's law" and not God's law gets stronger ‘It is for love of you that I've neglected my father, for love of you that I cheated my partner, for love of you that I denied my family,' and all the time we have a tormenting paradox with this quasi-god, this Eros, whose voice sounds like the eternal, and isn't eternal at all. It is notoriously, the most desperately mortal of our passions. With Eros, idolatry of one another or of itself may arise, and the ones under its grasp may get completely consumed by the pleasures of Eros when it becomes a means for total completion. "Love ceases to be a demon only when he ceases to be a god."- C.S. Lewis. Even though Eros promises permanence, permanence is not kept by Eros, permanence is kept by the ones in which Eros resides. If the couple does not work to keep Eros, Eros will die. C.S. Lewis says: "Not to say that these dangers can’t be averted – they are averted daily by thousands of couples. But they're not averted by Eros himself. The lovers who idolized him, who trusted all to the strength of their original emotion will fare the worst. If love is to remain and to remain himself he must be supported by outside help and this everyone knows, in clearer language, you need the firm will to justice. You need a will already pretty well-trained and disciplined – in the long run, you need the grace of God – and in this Eros is like all the natural loves. They have not within themselves resources to secure their own permanence, or to keep themselves from internal corruptions, nor to be innocent in dealing with those outside the circle of love. ‘They need the help of higher powers in order to become and remain themselves’. The more we trust them to be self-sufficing, self-corrective and self-perpetuating, the more deceived we shall be. It's rather like a garden, a garden is a glorious thing – full of life and giving us life – but you must not trust your garden to weed itself, or fence itself, or prune itself, or anything of that sort. It hasn't got that kind of goodness. A garden left to nature will soon not be a garden. It's the same with our passions. They also are life-giving, but when God planted that garden of our passions, he set a man over it to dress it, and set the man under Himself." Words from the Author. Love has its beauty and its dangers, but that danger is capable of being only if we let it, and that would happen only if we disregarded the help that we need to even be able to love right, the help that comes from the author and origin of Love, who is yet Love himself, God. For those that do not believe in love, personally, I think you most probably don't believe in it because what was shown to you in your past relationships should have been described as anything but love, but unless what you had at the time wasn't love either and you were well aware, there is no reason to keep the disbelief, because you are proof of its existence. Those that haven't truly loved before, hang in there, Eros is notorious for its surprises. 3rd Verse of the week. 1 Corinthians 13 vs 4-8:"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away." See you all soon. Blessings.

"A family is many things. With endless words that show who they are and what they do and how they teach you so you know. But don't be weary if it's broken or if through time it's been so worn. Families are like that - they're split up and always torn. But even if this happens, your family will always be. They help define just who you are and will be a part of you eternally." -Nicole M. O'Neil Quick question? You ever had a family member that you have a hard time liking? This could be because of their occasional or frequent behaviour. C.S Lewis says "anyone can be loved with storge, the ugly the stupid and even the exasperating can be its objects." And I think he's right. Storge is a word that's used to depict a natural and instinctual kind of affection, a familial love, such as one that a parent has for their offspring and vice versa. For this reason, it's referred to as the one most natural love of all the four. I've heard the phrase, "blood is thicker than water" but I've also heard people say " Friends are God's way of apologizing for your family." or even "Friends are family you get to choose." Funny huh? So the first phrase implies that there is nothing stronger than the bond that exists between family because family is a bond you share biologically, and then the next two phrases insinuate that your friends can be better than your family because they are people you get to choose instead. Truth is family can be tiresome and they can have all sorts of flaws, from the drama to the jealousy, hatred, disrespect, and disregard, but at the end of it all, they remain that, family, and it's not something you can change hence the option to pick friends that serve as a replacement for family. Let's take a look at two kinds of families, bare in mind this is just a generalization of what two families on opposite ends of the ordinary family spectrum would look like. It does not suggest perfection or the lack thereof. THE PERFECT FAMILY. Just a disclaimer I won't say I come from the perfect family myself, trust me I do not know what that looks like at all, I grew up with a very distorted view of family, and this having nothing to do with my nuclear or extended family. I just didn't quite understand the whole family dynamic very well. Thing is all I know right now is, I know what I want my family in the future to look like. So in my mind, the perfect family would be one consists of individuals that are super supportive and available for one another. I envision not one moment of weakness or vulnerability left to have its way. I think the perfect family works on a random call and an immediate response mechanism where, immediately any cry for help is made by any one member of the family, there is an impulsive heroic response from anyone if not everyone in the rest of the family. Support and Generosity is the order of the day in such a family, the act of stepping in to be a pillar of strength for another is never to much to ask. But that's just what I imagine a perfect family should look like. Again I do not know if this truly exists, I personally haven't had it like that myself, I'm the firstborn and the rest of my siblings are kids, all our help came from our parents, which of course is as a result of obligation and natural instinct (Storge). I haven't even been around my extended family enough to gauge the levels of perfection in my entire family, but I can tell you this it sure is not perfect. But a family that's anything close to this perfect would most likely function like so for reasons linked to the natural need to be affectionate or fond of the individuals in the family setup. Notice with every other love we can often identify the very moment we fell in love or made a friend, but with storge, we never seem to catch it at its very beginning, and that's because it's already been going on for some time. Here is what C.S. Lewis says about this particular nature of storge. "The child will love a crusty old gardener who has hardly ever taken any notice of it and shrink from the visitor who is making every attempt to win its regard. But it must be an old gardener, one who has "always" been there the short but seemingly immemorial "always" of childhood." It's based on the mere familiarity that exists with the people around us and those who have always been around us, and many times than most, scratch that, all the time, those people are family. THE IMPERFECT FAMILY. Neglect, slander, jealousy, contempt, bitterness, abandonment, distrust, gossip and so much more, are words I've heard people use when referring to their families, yep, I know, sheesh! It's even sadder cause I've heard more complaints about family than I've heard praises. It's always those aunties this, or those uncles that. Said families are families that tend to deal with a lot of issues surrounding jealousy and contempt for other members of the family, and of course, there isn't any standing family that will attest to having played the role of the assailant, every household is a victim. But the denial doesn't turn away the fact that there are people in families that are hostile toward other family members, in the same house or across homes. Another quote from C.S. Lewis "Every one of Storge’s characteristics is ambivalent’, which means they can be turned to either evil or good." Sometimes families can show hostile behaviour and according to the great mind behind "The Chronicles of Narnia", families can gravitate towards such behaviors for reasons dependant on pure jealousy, with the questions standing particularly at " Why them and not me?" or for reasons dependant entirely on the understanding of any form of progress or sudden change in lifestyle as a form of treason. How so? If ever a family member's, success, or good fortune, or new interest is met with ridicule or contempt it is merely the family's reaction to desertion. When a member, having taken part in the commonality and familiarity that rendered them an indistinguishable entity of the group or family in this context, chooses to do something that makes them stand out almost as if they became in part a stranger, that change is not often received with open arms by family, for storge whose very food is the familiar does not fancy alteration. Are there any other reasons for hostility to roam freely through the hallways of family? I bet there are many, I'm certain they are as a result of issues that carry intrinsic detail, details tailored to each household. RANDOM FACTS ABOUT FAMILY. Family can be annoyingly difficult - I'll start by saying that family doesn't usually have the easiest people to deal with, they can have the worst attitudes, and could even bare criminals (I'm laughing saying this but it's true, trust me I know) but they are yours, and there is nothing you can do about it Family is complexly beautiful - We can tend to feel pain when our family is absent but not always pleasure when they are present, but definitely we feel anxiety when they are in danger, and more comically tragic, we can feel deep and unending sorrow when bereaved of them with whom a day hardly ever passed free from arguments and quarrels. The paradox. Family can be draining - I come from an African home and I've seen different family members bare the weight of other members' recklessness and ignorance, for example, when it came to raising children, you know that "sister" that just became your "sister" like two hours ago and she's going to be around for like a really long time, and now you have to share your bed? No? Just me? Cool. Family is safety - With regard to my previous rant, growing up I had cousins that would come and live with us, for reasons I didn't quite understand clearly at the time, but that taught me that with family you will always have a safe place to call home. Family is here to stay - You will always have somewhere to fall back on when times get tough or when you need companionship and support because unless they choose to, they will not leave you, they have always been there and they always will. Words from the Author. The facts still stay that families can harbour serious hostility as well as healthy levels of love, support, and approval. The major point here is that they are here to stay. I've had many sessions with my friends and we've spoken countless times about the ways our families can display good traits as well as bad ones. But in those conversations what still stands, is that there is nothing quite like family. I personally do not think friends are God's way of apologizing for your family (lol, still can't believe people think this way) because there is nothing to apologize for, God's plan is always perfect, and even though family can be difficult sometimes they are awesome even more times. 2nd Verse of the week. Romans 12 vs 9: “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.” See you all soon. Blessings.

"The ones who encourage you during uncertain times who stand with you when no one else will who hold you when you break and pick up your pieces again they are your people treasure them." -Vic Lejon PHILIA. Philia, one of the most salient pieces of the love quartet, Agape, Storge, Eros, and of course itself, Philia. It is described as the love felt by friends. Friendship. We all have our definitions for it. And I'm no expert either, when I say to you that I've had my struggle with this term, please believe me. I've spent a long time pouring energy and effort into "friendships" that I didn't need to be pouring into, at least not that much energy anyway, all this because I was under the impression anyone I talk to on regular falls under the oh so popular phrase ”a friend". Growing up has taught me quite a number of things concerning this very topic, many a lot of hard truths, like NOT EVERYONE IS YOUR FRIEND. And hearing this could give a hostile impression to anyone listening, but truly it isn't, it's more so a necessary truth, one that gives grace to those that need it the most, and I've been that one. To say not everyone ought to be your friend, in this case, pointing to more than a companion, a colleague, an acquaintance, or a mere comrade, would be seen as reaching by many people. Friendship beautifully put by C.S. Lewis is ; a relation between men at their highest level of individuality. It supersedes anything that has to do with everything but each person's uniqueness, what makes you you. But before we get into anything else let's make an amateur's list of what we usually hear friendship is. Friendship means: "We know each other, so we are friends." "We were in primary/high school/University together." "We are at work together we see each other all the time." "We tell jokes all the time.' "Our families are close" "She/He's friends with my sister/brother/cousins." "He/She accepted my FaceBook request or I theirs." "We talk every day." The list is endless. Generally, after having a point of familiarity with individuals as per ordinary conversation the phrase "we are friends" is applied. But this doesn't take any value or significance away from the people we regularly are in constant communication or association with. No, it just gives back the notable value and distinction to those who we share a deeper connection and understanding with. Did you know, there have been people to live and die without ever having friends? A man can indeed live without friends, the belief that suggests otherwise is often influenced by the misunderstanding of friendship as a whole. A friend is not a means for survival, they are a whole lot more, no argument there because survival can be a by-product, but it doesn't entirely rule out chances for an individual's survival without one. So if you can survive without a friend what's the need for any? Well that right there is the beauty of true and pure friendship, that neither one of you is entitled to be friends with the other, Philia has no strings attached, that's what differentiates it from the other three virtues. We aren't obligated to love the other for reasons tied to our begotten nature, our aspirations to unite and procreate, or the source of our existence and sustenance. When it comes to Philia it solely comes down to who they are and who we are individually, and how we allow our different characters and personalities to resonate. Let's be a bit more clear, who is a friend? A friend/s is that single or group of former strangers that happen to now take up a spot in your life and resemble family sometimes even more than the family itself. A friend is a person whose bond doesn't ride entirely on whether you have a point of familiarity, even though that does play a quite vital role, it doesn't sum it all up. Someone said a friendship is one with no quantification, you aren't friends with a person because of how many times you helped them when they needed it or how much you respect them, trust them, were vulnerable with them, sacrificed for them, or understood them, you are friends because you freely chose to love the individual, not for where they've come from, what they've owned, their race, ethnicity, or background, because in friendship each man stands for nothing but what he is. Your familiarity, compatibility, or commonality is nothing but a catalyst for ignition. Trust, Respect, Availability, Vulnerability, Sacrifice, and understanding are by-products of friendships. Simply put, a friend is the person or group of people with whom you share PHILIA. You don't owe people working friendships but you owe working friendships effort. SIGNS OF A WORKING FRIENDSHIP. EFFORT. I'll start by saying I've had the toughest time with this very sign in friendships over the years, but that's basically because I like many others, grew up with the wrong understanding of friendships and thought every single person that I've interacted with, paying no attention to the time span, is a friend. Which is mentally, physically, and emotionally draining because that narrows it down to almost every single person, that's more people than is acceptable. And the most unfortunate thing about that is they too had the same approach towards friendships. And at the end of the day, we are all pouring energy and effort out into the wrong directions, therefore, draining ourselves and most likely never getting replenished because of all the uncertainty. When you choose to be a friend to someone and they choose to be friends with you, you are certain about the implications of your choices, that putting in the work of caring, trusting, respecting, being available, and more, will be met with reciprocity and you never have to worry about it ever being otherwise because your understanding of the relationship is mutual. SELFLESSNESS AND SUPPORT. I personally think this is one of the beauties of friendship, Love is not self-seeking. Love in friendship isn't either. A friendship must exhibit the highest level of selflessness, you look forward to your goals just as much as look forward to your friend's goals. A working friendship communicates that, "your win is our win", whether either one of the parties is directly influenced or not. As a friend, showcasing Philia is listening to or observing a friend's passions, gifts, and ambitions, and trying to comprehend them almost as if they were your own. Being there to listen to the other, and genuinely listen even if you don't have the answers or even understand half of what's being spoken of, is a part of the effort. ELEVATION. I don't even need to stress too much on this, if you ever find yourself hindering a friend's growth either physically, mentally, emotionally, academically, financially, or spiritually, at that very moment in time you could be anything but a friend. A friend is a beacon of affirmation, a true friend is one that you could count on to remind you of your worth, remind you that you can do anything, to reassure you of your plans and ideas, a person that won't target, point out, or highlight your insecurities or shortfalls as a way to make them feel better about themselves ( such people are pure evil I'm sorry) a friend sees it as a pleasure to contribute to your development and does not get jealous of your wins or feel threatened by anything good happening in your life. A friend is a factor of healthy growth, they build you and they do not find chances to tear you apart. HONESTY AND RESPECT. A friendship without honesty and respect should be thrown away lol, what purpose does it play then if a group of friends can not be honest with and respect each other. Traits such as bad-mouthing or gossiping, hate speech or making inappropriate comments, and speaking negatively are disrespectful in the highest order and a person that will lie to you and not address you with respect is not your friend and has no love for you at all. (Very personal opinion: most people that are disrespectful or dishonest or prone to lying to other people, are most likely eventually going to be the same to you, friend or not. Old habits die hard) SACRIFICE, COMPROMISE, AND UNDERSTANDING. Friendships usually comprise people that are subjectively different from each other, people that have different preferences, interests, understanding, and prioritize different things. With high chances of there being similarities and many things in common, there are also things about them that keep them distinct from one another. So most times, there is a need for understanding, sacrifice, and compromise because it's all part of harnessing the relationship you have with them at their highest level of individuality. Your differences make you separate individuals, it's but normal. There are definitely more signs of a working friendship but these are the ones I think are the most important. 6 FACTS ABOUT FRIENDSHIPS. They can end - I know this is a bitter truth, but sometimes very unfortunately friendships can cease, and this could be due to various reasons, but not all reasons are bad reasons, some reasons are just inevitable. They change - Friendships change, this could be for the better or for the worst but this is entirely dependent on either individual. They differ - Friendships look different across individuals or groups. There is no one size fits all when it comes to Friendships, some friendships run on different principles, cultures, conducts, and preferences. But the most important aspects remain the same for good friendships that is. They are optional - Another bitter truth, friendships are choices, and to stay in one is completely dependent on an individual, a reason why they aren't to be measured by acts of service. They are rare - True friendships are hard to find honestly, especially in a self-seeking world its hard to find a group of people or a single person that truly wants to stand by you, support you and be a genuine friend to you. Many people are looking to use others as ladders or stepping stones and can go to crazy lengths just to get what they want even if it means they have to feign friendships. They are worth the struggle - As mentioned earlier to love another and choose to play the active role of being their friend is hard and will take some effort, but in the end, when it is successful, it is like finding a jewel, and it's something to be grateful for in the end. Below is an audio-video clip from part of the Philia chapter in C.S. Lewis's book "The Four Loves" It captures a very vital aspect of friendship and Philia. I personally couldn't explain it better than this so please spare some time to listen, cause it's all Gold. Words from the Author. There are many people in my life that I call my friends, many of which I'm typically cool with, as you know the word friend is used to show familiarity as per usual conversation. But there are very few people in my life currently that I could sincerely say I share Philia with, and currently there have been many other friendships that I have lost due to life's spontaneity. I've had good, bad, and ugly fallouts. But if I've learnt anything, it's that friendships change either way and that trying to make every single person a friend is unnecessary and it usually leads to people-pleasing instead of true friendships. I've learnt it's important to actively choose to be a friend, and take your time doing so too. Know that you can not be forced to be a friend to someone and you can't force others to be a friend to you too. The reality is not everyone wants to be your friend that's not a reason to take offense as C.S Lewis put it; "we are in no way obliged to make any man a friend, and we have no claim that any man should become ours." Remember love in any form is still a choice. So Friendship is one as well. we are in no way obliged to make any man a friend, and we have no claim that any man should become ours. — C.S. Lewis. 1st Verse of the week. Proverbs 27 vs 9: "Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel." See you all soon. Blessings.